I picture myself so clearly, just last Spring, standing in my home the day before moving out. Much of the furniture had been sold, and there were boxes everywhere. It was quiet, late afternoon, the dappled sunlight filtering through the shutters. I looked around at this home I had lived in for over 20 years, and so many memories came flooding back to me as if someone pressed play on a video. I saw my children at various stages in their lives – as babies crawling, as toddlers playing in the middle of the family room with blocks, a bit older with the pretend kitchen set which was right there in the corner, as teenagers running out somewhere to meet friends or heading to work, one lugging suitcases down the stairs to leave for college. Parties and holidays, celebrations. The dogs and cats and other small animals that had graced our home over the years – I could see them all in their favorite spots. I saw my former husband and I dancing and laughing, swinging the kids around, and lounging on the couch watching a movie…the memories kept coming.

I walked around my home followed by my echoed footsteps in the now mostly vacant house, and marveled that such a full life had been lived there and so much love shared, and now everything was going to change. Everywhere I looked was filled with scenes playing out. The yard that used to have a swingset, then a trampoline, and now was a beautiful and peaceful garden with a fountain and mature trees, a place I loved to sit and be still. My home would tell a great story if she could speak.

My heart was full with the memories; I was happy to relive them, and sad to say goodbye to the home and all it provided me and my family for so long, but also excited to start my new life. It was the end to a beautiful story, one in which I was blessed to be a part of, and the beginning of a new story – the rest of my life. I knew that I was heading in the right direction and this was a big step.

Change is what so many people fear when deciding whether to move on after divorce or some other traumatic event (like the death of a loved one). But there is always a choice. I knew that I would rather be happy for the rest of my life than to stay in a relationship and be stagnant – I deserve that because I am worthy. I needed to blossom…so I decided not to be afraid, not to wonder “what If I can’t ____” (be alone, be financially stable, make it on my own, etc.). Instead, I focused on the NOW. It’s the only way to heal and move forward.

Now that I have been in my new home for some time I feel beyond blessed. I delight in the way the light fills the space, the small garden I planted, the hummingbirds that visit, the trees that surround me and the ocean I can see in the distance. It is serene and it is MY home, and I look forward to returning to it each time I leave. I am grounded and happy, and most of all I love being with myself.

As a busy mom and businesswoman I used to barely take time for me. My new life is so different. I enjoy the solitude and the peace. I enjoy discovering me, who I am as a person. I notice I have let my inner child out – she was trapped for a long time (this took a lot of deep work). I am free to hike or walk, meditate, read and write, do yoga or go to classes I like when I like, and of course I have my work. I am finding it is more rewarding than ever, because my heart is happy and I am relaxed and more appreciative that I get to work.

It is said that you do not truly understand life until you are comfortable being alone (I am not sure to whom to credit this sentiment), and I believe this is 100% true. Many people are afraid to be alone. They go from relationship to relationship. Men in particular tend to jump right into relationships after breakups. But there is something wonderful in being solo, for a time at least, to process and contemplate who you are, what you want.

It is also important to remember that in order to love another person you need to truly love yourself first – the best way to do this is to spend time by yourself. I have no one to take care of (except the dog, but that is a pleasure), no one to please (except said dog, but this is not difficult as she has no expectations, never judges me and loves me unconditionally), nothing I have to do, no one who demands my attention. It is truly bliss! I can go out with friends or stay home and read or watch a movie. I can cook or order in food…no one else needs to chime in on my choices!

Now I will admit there are times that can be lonely – I have a big heart and love to give. It will be nice to have a partner again one day to sit with and laugh, share, cook, cuddle, travel. I know this will happen when the time is right, so I am not looking for it because I will attract the right person in divine time. You don’t find love by looking for it. Love will find you when you are ready, and that means loving yourself and being ok with being alone. I am taking a slow get-to-know-myself-again break after a long relationship, enjoying my own company, and falling in love with me again. This will make me a better partner AND will help me find a partner who is aligned with my spirit, which is SO IMPORTANT.

Coming to the decision to leave my marriage involved a lot of emotional hard work. Not only did I have to be sure it was what I needed to be happy, but I also had to plan my next steps. I didn’t know where I was going to live after I sold my home, but I had to place my trust in the universe and know that I would find it. I pictured my new place and how happy I would be there. I manifested it and I found the place I wanted exactly where I wanted. I know it is because I was trusting and calm and only focused on the present, and did not let fear take over.

If you are at a point in your life where you will be leaving a relationship here is my advice: Do not fear being alone, because you are stronger than you know. Remember that if it were easy people would not be afraid to do it, but you are capable and brave, and you know there is bliss at the end of the road. Trust yourself and learn to love yourself.