Why Some Encounters Can Feel so Big During Divorce Recovery

The other day I went to the post office to send some packages. I walked in with a smile and waited while the employee was finishing up with another customer. When she left I stepped up and said hello, smiled and made eye contact. I was calm and not in a rush, and I asked about 2 different options for shipping my packages.

Immediately I felt the man behind the counter judged me for some reason – he was not kind like he was with the other customers, chatting them up. I sensed a deep sadness within him for whatever reason (maybe I reminded him of someone?), so I was extra nice. He asked if I wanted to send the packages ground or priority mail, and I asked the cost difference between them so I could decide. He clearly became annoyed as he got out a measuring tape to measure the packages, yet how was I to make an informed decision when I had no idea of cost?!

I had to step aside to address the packages and he helped 3 other people during that time, chatting away with them. When I stepped back up he immediately became distant again and asked me if he could help the woman behind me first (she had 1 package and I had 2, but that was simply rude) – but I declined and said my packages were ready to go.

This experience was a lesson, albeit strange. When we are going through something challenging it is so hard sometimes to encounter situations like this, especially when we have done nothing to offend or disrespect the person who is giving off negative energy towards us. I thought that had this happened when I was healing from my divorce (or having a difficult day in any respect), it may have been received in a different manner. Every one of us has challenging days sometimes but you never know what the other person is dealing with, and he had no reason to treat me that way when he was kind to all the other customers.

What I learned from this was that no matter what, it is a remarkable reflection of your character to stay cordial and calm. Whatever the other person is dealing with that prevents them from doing the same – that’s THEIR problem, not yours. This is especially true when you yourself are dealing with difficult things, as it makes it even harder not to react nor take it personally.

I hope my experience may put things into perspective should you ever find yourself in a situation like this. Keep calm, smile, thank the person for their help, and wish them a good day. Maybe they will contemplate that at some point and treat the next person better. 🦋

Taking Steps Backward in Healing from Divorce

I want to share with you a recent personal story of having to go back to re-healing a painful part of myself. I have spoken many times here on this blog and in my podcast about the nature of the healing journey, and how we always need to be mindful of our need to work on parts of us that we may have thought we already healed.

Self work is an ongoing part of our journey as humans, and divorce is no exception. The first thing to understand is that it’s not only normal, but inevitable you’ll need to work on yourself repeatedly. If you notice you are feeling like you’re in a funk you must explore it; it could be something new, or something from your healing journey coming back to be re-evaluated.

Recently my former spouse sent me a text. I believe it was meant to show co-ownership for the demise of the marriage (instead of pinning it exclusively on me), but the statements were strange and incorrect.

The text triggered an old wound that I spent a long time healing, one in which unkind words were used to make me feel small. Luckily I caught this quickly – many people don’t. I spoke with someone who helped fix the physical ramifications of these backward steps, which had settled in my right hip (the masculine side, where I had horrible pain for the years leading up to my divorce). We cleared it out and now I continue to work deeper on myself to promote further healing.

I bring this to your attention because this happens all the time to many people who have been through divorce. It is so easy to let the fear creep back in, to remember the familiarity of the old wounds and to allow them to reopen. The longer we wait to work on these wounds, the more difficult it can become.

The nature of your situation may be completely different from mine, and may not directly involve a former spouse. It could instead come up through words spoken by another, or just plain old fear taking over (many scenarios can provoke this). If you have an experience that stirs up old wounds, notice it. Think about it. Write about it. Start taking it apart, and if you can’t do that on your own, get help.

It’s ok to take steps backward. It’s ok to feel triggered by the past. BUT, it’s not ok to ignore the feelings that come up from something or someone else’s actions toward you, because the only one who will be hurt is YOU. Similarly, the only one who can “fix” you is YOU.

Love yourself – not only because you need to, but because you deserve it. 🦋

The Power of Taking Breaks in Healing and Life

I have talked before about taking a break in the healing process when necessary, and lately I have used this powerful tool in my every day life to reset, think and prepare in various aspects of my life…and it has been amazing. It has allowed me to focus on things I want to bring into my life and change those that are not working or may need tweaking. Focusing my energies elsewhere was just the break I needed to jump back into helping people heal!

For those of you who follow my podcast you know that I put a lot of effort into it by finding the right guests and topics, and then spending the time planning on how best to present the information that will help my viewers and listeners. It is a labor of love.

A few months ago I decided to take a hiatus to gather ideas and thoughts for the next batch of podcasts, consider topics and who I wanted to have as guests, and just as importantly – give myself some space from the time spent on all this. I focused on other endeavors and also on myself. It felt great to distance myself from the process and hard work that goes into the podcast.

I have recently started shooting new episodes and I am not only full of energy for it, but also super excited. After The Divorce to Bliss Podcast was named one of the top 100 divorce podcasts I started getting calls and emails from publicists, and I have been blessed to have some high ranking guests in the coming season. I have reached out to others as well and hope that some of them will accept my invitation to join me in informative healing discussions.

If you are not a viewer or listener of the podcast, I humbly invite you to check it out. Please subscribe, like, comment and share posts that you think might benefit others going through divorce, because if I can help them in the slightest way to ease their burdens, then I have succeeded in my mission.

Thank you for all your support, as it truly means the world to me. Please reach out to me if there is a topic you’d like me to delve into on the podcast – I love feedback from my viewers/listeners. The podcast can be found on YouTube and on various podcast audio channels (like Apple Podcasts, Spotify and Amazon Music).

Thank you! 🦋🙏🏻

Avoiding Comparison in Your Healing Journey

The idea of comparing ourselves to others has popped up a few times in the last week, so I thought I would write about it because it is important to not fall into this trap when healing.

It is easy to look at others and the particular ways in which they do things, to see if they are successful or not. When we are going through a similar situation this can become rather obsessive, as we compare our own journey to theirs and think we may see where we may be improving or lacking. BUT there is always a big risk in using comparisons.

Each one of us is different, in many ways, especially when it comes to healing. No two people heal identically, and this is beautiful because in healing one tunes into the self and learns what is needed and desired, what has been lacking and what will allow the heart to open wider.

When we compare our healing journey to that of another (or multiple people), we tell our brain that the way we are doing things or the number of things we need to do to heal is too much or too hard. In such situations we often start to blame ourselves for not being able to heal like the next door neighbor did after her divorce – for example, we may think “look at her now, all beautiful and skinny and dating several men, while I sit home eating ice cream and feeling terrible.”

This way of thinking will lower energy levels, quash the desire to keep working on the self, and attract more of the same thoughts and feelings, leaving us circling the drain instead of making progress.

Keep in mind also that often what you see is not real. For example, you’ve likely seen social media influencers who make their lives look like fairy tales. Sure, maybe a few of them live off a trust fund and have no spending limits to travel the world and buy the best “stuff,” but the reality is that every single person has problems, issues, demons, past regrets, or a combination of any or all of these. What you are seeing is a moment in time, and not the inside of the heart of people who look like their lives are “perfect.”

I will share something with you. When I wrote my book I refused to look at any other books on divorce healing or divorce journeys. I wanted to tell MY story, without influence from anyone else’s journey or thoughts. I NEVER even researched whether there were other books like mine (although I figured there were). I did the exact same thing when I started my podcast – I didn’t watch or listen to any other divorce podcasts, because I truly wanted to share what I learned and new ideas as well, with the best guests to help me.

I believe that going through difficult experiences is the way for each of us to learn and be better versions of ourselves, and if we treat healing this way – instead of something we “have to” do, we find gratitude in the process and have an experience that will create a new beginning in our lives. 🦋

Transform Fear into Growth: Steps to Live Your Best Life

Do you ever notice that most people do not truly embrace life until they are confronted with the ultimate scare: death? This can also occur when facing other major hardships or losses, like divorce. I have noticed as I grow older and people I have known or went to school with started passing away or becoming ill. It really is a sucker-punch for so many people when they start to experience this.

When we are young most of us feel invincible – we do not think about our own lives ending; this is normal and justifiably so because when we are in our prime most of us feel strong and healthy. As we age in healthy bodies we tend to still feel a bit of that invincibility, but at some point that changes.

Starting in my late 40s a childhood friend passed away from an overdose. It was unclear whether this was an accident or on purpose, but she had been suffering for a long time from emotional challenges. Ironically enough, we had re-connected shortly before her death and had planned to get together for lunch, and I was looking forward to it. Sadly, we never got to have that time together.

Two others with whom I went to high school passed away. One had been a college roommate my first year at university, and both she and the man who passed were big personalities in high school. Both had heart attacks. Then another man with whom I had gone to college suddenly passed.

Also during this time several friends and family members have been diagnosed with cancers, auto-immune disorders and other diseases, which they are all fighting and/or living with to this day.

Aging is a beautiful process, as I have learned to accept with hesitation at first, but then ultimate gratitude. Yes, it is sometimes hard to see the body change and respond differently in some ways from how it used to, but I am accepting it with grace. I embrace the wisdom life and this body have provided me, and I have to remind myself of this sometimes – but that is ok, I am an imperfect human being (like all of us).

When we are confronted with the death and illnesses of others our own age or even older loved ones, many people choose to dwell on these as negative experiences, which can cause a lot of fear. But if we sit quietly with this for a bit (sometimes it takes a while) we will see that the only way to not be afraid of death is to actually LIVE.

Some ways to start living are to get out of your house, be in nature, do things that sound interesting or fun that you’ve never tried, breathe deeply, learn to meditate, travel, laugh, eat healthy foods, exercise, dance, and write down your feelings and experiences in a journal. Until we start truly living and experiencing life we are not living.

We are not here to sit around and live in fear, or stay in a house most of the time. We are here to be our highest versions so we can spread our wisdom, joy and love. Just think if we all vibrated on this level what the world would look like! It sounds impossible but it’s not – every change starts with baby steps.

So even if you don’t know how you want to evolve into your highest self, start making little changes in your daily schedule that will benefit you – body, mind and spirit – and notice how you feel. Simply just observe how your body feels, how your mind feels (check your emotional state), and your spirit (connection with a higher source tends to increase energy levels). Write it down and share it with someone who loves you. Hold yourself accountable to make these small changes and put them in your schedule daily.

We never know when our time will be up, or when we may have to pivot immensely from the unexpected. BUT there is always a choice in each moment. We can either choose to (1) be scared of the things we cannot control, and let that hold us back, or (2) empower ourselves with the knowledge that we can live our best lives by allowing ourselves to patiently make changes toward that goal. If you chose the latter get ready to see and feel amazing results.

If you are here now you have time to be a better you. 🦋

Stay Classy While Healing

Being classy has always been important to me, but who would have thought it can actually help with healing?

By being classy I mean upholding high standards in relationships, conduct, and integration with others within your work environment and personal life. It encompasses a genuine belief in integrity and being the best version of yourself. You can’t fake it, although people continuously try, and you can change your level of class if you really want to make a difference in your life.

To start the journey toward a classier life it is important to adopt an attitude of gratitude. When you are alone you can express your feelings – scream into the pillow, punch a punching bag or cry. But when you go out, be grateful, show your good manners. We do this because the version of ourselves we put out there will attract different things and people into our lives. If you can learn to do it when you are at your worst, then you can master staying classy and make it a part of your life.

Always be aware of how you present yourself to the outside world. You may be a mess inside, but going out – whether it be to the grocery store, a friend’s house or a party – is a way to show the world that you respect yourself. People will be attracted to the higher version of you who cares about herself enough to show up, look good and be present.

People notice a classy person and the ways he or she responds to situations. The recognition creates an ability for the observer to look inward and realize how nice it is to be able to be respectful and hold oneself together, even in a storm. It sets strong examples of courage, self-worth and respect. It creates “I want to be like that!” moments and gives great teaching examples, especially for children as they emulate what they see and feel.

Here’s a personal example: when I was in the middle of my healing journey and feeling vulnerable, I went into a store. The sales clerk was pretty rude and didn’t look me in the eyes. Part of me thought, “she is representing the store she works for and if I were her boss I would be unhappy.” But despite my own challenges and the difficulties I was going through – and I was in no need of a confrontation – I put on a smile and said something recognizing the difficulty of her job. She looked up at me and said she was going through some things in her personal life. I told her things can always get better, and that she was strong enough to push through (I don’t remember the exact words I used in the moment). She actually smiled at me!

I have talked before about how our actions and words can make a HUGE difference in the lives of others. We have a choice: we can react, or we can take a few seconds to a few minutes to respond to situations. I chose to get out of my own head and see if I could shine a beam of light into the young woman’s life, and it paid off. It made me feel better in turn as well. Sometimes all someone needs is a little kindness.

Being classy can be a challenge for some people, and when one is facing hard times this can prove especially difficult and frankly, not desirable. BUT, when you take steps to become classy you will start to feel some pretty great results – whether it be another person complimenting or thanking you, self-pride at keeping calm and spreading it, or feeling like you helped another have a better day.

These tips can truly help you make a big difference in any situation, such that you can turn a would-be ugly reaction into a positive response. It’s a way to feel good and will actually help you have a better day, which in turn will stimulate your healing process because you are acting from and spreading positivity! For more on how to stay classy while healing, check out my podcast on the topic here. Let me know what you think! 🦋

Act Like a Kid!

One of the biggest lessons I learned when I was healing from divorce was to free my inner child. I talk about this in my book because when I realized this it was like a door opened. I was having a conversation yesterday with a gal who is studying Expressive Art Therapy, and it got me thinking that it would be great to share some of the things I did to help me heal.

In the last years of my marriage I felt a great deal of pressure and I was unhappy. Once I started diving into this I realized that my inner child had literally been locked up inside me, and she needed to come out to play. So here are some of the things I did to fix this – I still do all of these now, especially if I am having a challenging day or feeling down for some reason.

1. Dance. This has to be a favorite of mine. When I am feeling down, frustrated, or not myself I turn on the music and let my body move. This is my greatest physical and emotional release. You can be silly, sultry, dramatic – whatever feels fun. Simply let your body feel the music and move in whatever way it wants.

2. Color/draw. When I was healing I bought several coloring books, markers, colored pencils and gel pens, and I colored – usually at the end of the day as I avoided TV. It accomplished several things – it allowed me to escape as I focused on creating something, and it calmed my nervous system. You can also draw or sketch – no matter which you choose these creative tasks really take you away for a bit and make you feel better.

3. Cook/bake. This is another favorite, and I love to experiment in the kitchen and make delicious meals and healthy sugar-free desserts (yes, there IS such a thing). Again, being creative truly gets your mind focused on fun, positive tasks which make you feel great. If you invite friends over everyone can share in the fun and enjoy eating it afterwards.

4. Make music. Even if you don’t know how to play an instrument you can make music with all kinds of things you have around the house. You can also sing, or even sign up for a class to learn a musical instrument or how to sing. Another great idea: invite friends over and have a karaoke party – I guarantee it will come with many laughs! Music is so powerful for healing, and learning to create it is fun and fulfilling.

5. Art projects. Remember when you were a kid and did art projects all the time – in school, at summer camp and parties, and at home. I loved doing projects, and when I went to summer camp art time was one of my favorites. As we grow into adulthood most of us stop doing this (long before, realistically), but if you are a parent it is so fun to do art with your kids. I used to find fun projects for my kids to do with their friends when they had playdates, and also at their birthday parties.

For artsy ideas you can check the internet or (even more fun in my opinion) wander the aisles of a craft store. You’ll be amazed how you feel during and after your art session, especially if you experience it with fun people.

6. Write. Hopefully you are writing in a journal regularly during your healing process – this writing should be different. Be fun, whimsical, tell a story or invent a fun character and live her amazing life through your descriptions. There are no limits.

7. Other ideas. Fly a kite, do a puzzle, jump on a trampoline, go roller or ice skating, play board games, make stained glass or papier mache, jump in the ocean or at a lake…the sky is the limit!

There are SO many fun ways to let out your inner child, and I encourage you to invite your friends to join in. The great news is that acting like a child works to take a load off your shoulders, and also invites deeper pondering afterward. Let me know what you try and how it goes! 🦋

Should You Stay or Should You Go?

I was speaking with someone recently who told me that although she is still married on paper, she is truly divorced. She and her husband live together but are basically roommates, and that is all. There is no love and no connection, only a history.

As I listened to this story – one I have heard many times – I could see in her face that although she said she felt “free,” she really was trapped. Trapped from discovering who she could be – the highest version of herself. Now this does not mean that divorce is necessary, just that if the discovery process of what she wants the rest of her life to look like is not completed, she and her life will remain in limbo.

Here are the questions to ask to help yourself when in this situation:

1. To Whom are You Committed? You need to either commit to the marital relationship, and this will likely take hard work and help from a third party, or decide whether it cannot move forward so that you can commit to YOU. Being committed to an “us” is different from committing to “me,” but both involve a healing journey and hard work.

Note: you may not know the answer and that is ok, but please get some help so you can figure it out and move forward, no matter the choice.

2. Are You Growing? If you are in a situation that is compromising (i.e. you are unhappy, you cringe when the garage door opens, you don’t like to go home/go to bed/be in the house with the spouse, etc.) you prevent yourself from growing and becoming your highest self. I know this because it happened to me. It took an effect on my body, my emotions and my spirit, and I spiraled deeper into unhappiness until I realized there was no way I could grow unless I made changes.

3. Are You Putting YOU First? No matter whether you decide to stay married or leave, you will need to put you first to make the right decision – every situation is different and the answer is subjective, based on many factors that only you (and your spouse) can decide.

If you decide to stay married you will need to learn how to put your marriage first in a whole new way, which requires a lot of work and probably won’t be successful without the help of an experienced coach or therapist. I don’t suggest trying to do this yourself because you need to really dive into the relationship to determine the issues that got you to this point in the first place – this is the only way you can prevent falling back into the same patterns.

If you decide to end the marriage you will need to learn how to put yourself first so you can grow and morph into the best version of you, because once you understand what you need in order to do this, amazing things will come your way.

Consequences…

Staying in a situation that is not bringing joy can cause unhappiness, illness and/or disease, emotional distress, and more. All of these feelings and the reality of the situation can push one into a victim state, from where getting out becomes even more difficult, if not impossible. This does not mean you need to leave your marriage – only that you need to address the elephants in the room and figure out what you need in order to move on and be happy.

Both choices come with hard work, so if you are staying in the marriage in order to avoid the hard work of healing yourself, you will be unhappy, fail to thrive and grow, and have no commitment to your partner or yourself.

On the flip side, if you leave the marriage so as not to have to deal with working to heal it, you may have a very hard time healing yourself so you can move on and create a solo life. It all comes down to this: you need to do the work either way because you only live this life once, so make it the best it can be. 🦋

Why You Must Master 2 Types of Forgiveness to Heal from Divorce

There are 2 types of forgiveness when it comes to healing, especially after a trauma like divorce, and although one is often overlooked it is imperative to understand and master both in order to heal properly and move on to create a new life. 

1. Forgiving Others

Normally when we think of forgiveness in relation to divorce, we think of forgiving the former spouse. While it is necessary to feel the feelings you have after a difficult situation — including anger, blame and others — at some point in the healing journey you need to forgive the spouse, or at least let go of negative emotions associated with that person. This is because focusing on the negative prevents moving forward into the positive. Our minds want to give us what we want, and if we stew in negative emotions our mind believes that is what we want, and we will get more of the same — this is classic law of attraction theory. 

Do you remember the cartoons from long ago (I may be dating myself here) where a character had an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other? Both were whispering into the ear of the character, telling him or her what to do in a particular situation. 

In this case you can look at blame as the devil and forgiveness as the angel. Blaming is common when it comes to divorce. It makes us feel better temporarily because it takes the burden off the self to correct and move forward. But the reality is that blaming puts us in a victim mindset, creates resentment and more negative feelings toward the former spouse, and from there we cannot heal.

It may sound difficult to “let go” of the negativity associated with a former spouse, but holding onto the negative feelings only drowns you in pain and sorrow until you stop resisting and learn to live in the present. From there you can start to forgive and focus on the good parts of the marriage  —  the happy times, raising the children (if that applies), and other memories that are not painful. This helps shift to a positive mindset and allows you to move forward to building a joyous life. Creating this mindset is accomplished by taking baby steps.

Another consideration when contemplating forgiveness is energy, and you need to keep your energy high and positive to heal. Living in negativity greatly affects energy, and it can lead to illness, injuries and pain, both physical and emotional. Remember that another person, including the former spouse, can’t “do something to you” (abuse is a complicated exception); rather, we let them do so. Once we take responsibility and realize the control we have of our own emotions and feelings, we can move on.

It is important to acknowledge a special circumstance when it comes to forgiveness of a former spouse, and that is in the case of abuse — physical, verbal, emotional, or a combination. These cases can be extremely challenging when it comes to healing, but there are ways to eliminate the negativity surrounding them and what happened, and the empowerment you gain through your exit from the relationship will push you toward your new life and joy. Professional help from those who specialize in severe trauma recovery is usually required.

2. Forgiving the Self

Forgiveness does not only mean forgiving the former spouse. It also means forgiving ONESELF. This type of forgiveness can be even more difficult than forgiving others. We tend to be our own worst critics, and oftentimes in situations like divorce we question our own decisions and actions — “What did I do wrong?” “Why didn’t I “fix” it?” “Why did I stay in an unhappy relationship for so long?”

The secrets to learning to forgive the self include being kind and gentle to yourself, accepting what is — recognizing that you cannot change the past (stop with the “should have, could have, would have” outlook), feeling your feelings and acknowledging them, stop resisting living the peaceful life you want to live by letting negativity consume you, putting healthy food into your body and moving, catching and correcting yourself when you blame yourself, stop blaming your former spouse, and continue taking small steps like this every day. Most of all, love yourself. You are a work in progress — we all are! 

*****

Holding onto anger, blame and resentment toward oneself and/or the former spouse after divorce not only stagnates the healing process, but can also cause illness and pain within the physical and mental/emotional body. Recognizing that we are not bad, evil, wrong, etc. for the demise of a relationship or a marriage, that suffering is temporary, and that situations like divorce are a means of finding purpose in life so we can be our highest and best selves, is the key to happiness. It is only at this point that we can heal our spirits and make a difference in the world. 

It is also important to acknowledge that trauma like divorce does not prevent us from achieving future happiness. In fact the truth is quite to the contrary — the wisdom we gained throughout the relationship, the trauma, and throughout our lives provide us with a skillset to accomplish anything! 🦋

Healing After Compounded Loss or Grief: 7 Steps to Wellness

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about loss. As a Los Angeles native, house fire survivor and empath, I have been devastated by the destruction in Los Angeles County due to the wildfires. Although I do not normally watch television, I have been glued to LA news in the last week, concerned for family members and friends who live in the evacuation areas; it has truly affected my energy.

Worry or loss like this on its own is challenging. But what happens when we experience something like this WHILE trying to heal from something else (like divorce)? It’s a double whammy.

If you are trying to heal from divorce/other trauma, and at the same time feel you are being bombarded by challenging outside forces you cannot control that create more loss or grief, this is called compounded loss, or compounded grief . This is when we experience a series of losses of grief events that occur within close proximity, even if the losses or grief are related to different areas of your life, making it even harder to cope.

There are some things you can do to get back on the path to healing and feeling well, body, mind and spirit. This works for any kind of loss or compounded loss:

1. Breathe. When we are stressed or sad we usually do not breathe right (yes, there actually is a “right” way to breathe that calms your nervous system and allows you to get the most oxygen to your cells). Practice taking slow inhales while you count to 4 in your head – slowly. Then exhale slowly and count to 4 again. Keep up with this and you will start to notice when you are NOT doing it – that’s a very good sign.

Meditate. Meditation is a form of breathwork and relaxation, and is a fantastic way to calm down your mind and body. I have a podcast on how to get started.

2. Turn OFF the media. When I went through my divorce healing journey I turned off the TV – completely. Once in a while I watched funny movies, but no mainstream news media or other shows that would affect my energy. I knew I was in a battle to recover and I needed the most positive energy I could get. I works wonders – try it.

3. Move your body. We all know we need to do this but many of us forget, especially when we are not feeling our best emotionally. Make it a point to move, and at least 3 times a week do so outside, preferably in nature (park, beach, lake, woods).

If you don’t want to go to a gym you can put on some music and simply dance in your house. But make sure to move – it not only gets all your organs and fluids moving more smoothly, but also creates feel-good hormones that help you heal faster.

4. Call your friends and loved ones. Call them and tell them you love them, ask how they are doing, and share how you are doing. Connection keeps us feeling more healthy, which will enable us to keep healing.

5. Make plans with others. Get out and do something fun at least once a week. From a movie to lunch to a walk – it doesn’t matter what, just lean on your support network. You will notice a difference. If you don’t have a support network or want to understand how important it is to have one, click here.

6. Take care of yourself. I know – this sounds like SUCH an easy thing to do…but when we are down and things feel so out of our control, it is not easy. For starters, feed yourself healthy foods, stay hydrated, get enough sleep, stay away from alcohol and caffeine, and make sure you take a bit of time each day to relax and do something nice for yourself, like taking a bath.

7. Be Mindful. It is important when we are healing to be mindful of what we are thinking and feeling. If we focus on the moment and realize, for example, that we are thinking of something that won’t help us get to a better place, we become empowered to change that thought process.

If we notice we feel sad we can pick ourselves up and go on a walk outside. The advantage of practicing mindfulness is that we tune into the thoughts and actions that hold us back, and we are able to make changes – and THAT allows us to change our story.

If you feel overwhelmed by compounded grief/loss while you are healing, try incorporating the above suggestions daily and see how you feel in about a week. If you need further help coping with loss or grief, find a coach or therapist to assist in creating an healing plan and in holding you accountable.

For more information on how to start or re-start your divorce healing journey, please visit my website and check out my podcast. 🦋