Stay Classy While Healing

Being classy has always been important to me, but who would have thought it can actually help with healing?

By being classy I mean upholding high standards in relationships, conduct, and integration with others within your work environment and personal life. It encompasses a genuine belief in integrity and being the best version of yourself. You can’t fake it, although people continuously try, and you can change your level of class if you really want to make a difference in your life.

To start the journey toward a classier life it is important to adopt an attitude of gratitude. When you are alone you can express your feelings – scream into the pillow, punch a punching bag or cry. But when you go out, be grateful, show your good manners. We do this because the version of ourselves we put out there will attract different things and people into our lives. If you can learn to do it when you are at your worst, then you can master staying classy and make it a part of your life.

Always be aware of how you present yourself to the outside world. You may be a mess inside, but going out – whether it be to the grocery store, a friend’s house or a party – is a way to show the world that you respect yourself. People will be attracted to the higher version of you who cares about herself enough to show up, look good and be present.

People notice a classy person and the ways he or she responds to situations. The recognition creates an ability for the observer to look inward and realize how nice it is to be able to be respectful and hold oneself together, even in a storm. It sets strong examples of courage, self-worth and respect. It creates “I want to be like that!” moments and gives great teaching examples, especially for children as they emulate what they see and feel.

Here’s a personal example: when I was in the middle of my healing journey and feeling vulnerable, I went into a store. The sales clerk was pretty rude and didn’t look me in the eyes. Part of me thought, “she is representing the store she works for and if I were her boss I would be unhappy.” But despite my own challenges and the difficulties I was going through – and I was in no need of a confrontation – I put on a smile and said something recognizing the difficulty of her job. She looked up at me and said she was going through some things in her personal life. I told her things can always get better, and that she was strong enough to push through (I don’t remember the exact words I used in the moment). She actually smiled at me!

I have talked before about how our actions and words can make a HUGE difference in the lives of others. We have a choice: we can react, or we can take a few seconds to a few minutes to respond to situations. I chose to get out of my own head and see if I could shine a beam of light into the young woman’s life, and it paid off. It made me feel better in turn as well. Sometimes all someone needs is a little kindness.

Being classy can be a challenge for some people, and when one is facing hard times this can prove especially difficult and frankly, not desirable. BUT, when you take steps to become classy you will start to feel some pretty great results – whether it be another person complimenting or thanking you, self-pride at keeping calm and spreading it, or feeling like you helped another have a better day.

These tips can truly help you make a big difference in any situation, such that you can turn a would-be ugly reaction into a positive response. It’s a way to feel good and will actually help you have a better day, which in turn will stimulate your healing process because you are acting from and spreading positivity! For more on how to stay classy while healing, check out my podcast on the topic here. Let me know what you think! 🦋

Act Like a Kid!

One of the biggest lessons I learned when I was healing from divorce was to free my inner child. I talk about this in my book because when I realized this it was like a door opened. I was having a conversation yesterday with a gal who is studying Expressive Art Therapy, and it got me thinking that it would be great to share some of the things I did to help me heal.

In the last years of my marriage I felt a great deal of pressure and I was unhappy. Once I started diving into this I realized that my inner child had literally been locked up inside me, and she needed to come out to play. So here are some of the things I did to fix this – I still do all of these now, especially if I am having a challenging day or feeling down for some reason.

1. Dance. This has to be a favorite of mine. When I am feeling down, frustrated, or not myself I turn on the music and let my body move. This is my greatest physical and emotional release. You can be silly, sultry, dramatic – whatever feels fun. Simply let your body feel the music and move in whatever way it wants.

2. Color/draw. When I was healing I bought several coloring books, markers, colored pencils and gel pens, and I colored – usually at the end of the day as I avoided TV. It accomplished several things – it allowed me to escape as I focused on creating something, and it calmed my nervous system. You can also draw or sketch – no matter which you choose these creative tasks really take you away for a bit and make you feel better.

3. Cook/bake. This is another favorite, and I love to experiment in the kitchen and make delicious meals and healthy sugar-free desserts (yes, there IS such a thing). Again, being creative truly gets your mind focused on fun, positive tasks which make you feel great. If you invite friends over everyone can share in the fun and enjoy eating it afterwards.

4. Make music. Even if you don’t know how to play an instrument you can make music with all kinds of things you have around the house. You can also sing, or even sign up for a class to learn a musical instrument or how to sing. Another great idea: invite friends over and have a karaoke party – I guarantee it will come with many laughs! Music is so powerful for healing, and learning to create it is fun and fulfilling.

5. Art projects. Remember when you were a kid and did art projects all the time – in school, at summer camp and parties, and at home. I loved doing projects, and when I went to summer camp art time was one of my favorites. As we grow into adulthood most of us stop doing this (long before, realistically), but if you are a parent it is so fun to do art with your kids. I used to find fun projects for my kids to do with their friends when they had playdates, and also at their birthday parties.

For artsy ideas you can check the internet or (even more fun in my opinion) wander the aisles of a craft store. You’ll be amazed how you feel during and after your art session, especially if you experience it with fun people.

6. Write. Hopefully you are writing in a journal regularly during your healing process – this writing should be different. Be fun, whimsical, tell a story or invent a fun character and live her amazing life through your descriptions. There are no limits.

7. Other ideas. Fly a kite, do a puzzle, jump on a trampoline, go roller or ice skating, play board games, make stained glass or papier mache, jump in the ocean or at a lake…the sky is the limit!

There are SO many fun ways to let out your inner child, and I encourage you to invite your friends to join in. The great news is that acting like a child works to take a load off your shoulders, and also invites deeper pondering afterward. Let me know what you try and how it goes! 🦋

Should You Stay or Should You Go?

I was speaking with someone recently who told me that although she is still married on paper, she is truly divorced. She and her husband live together but are basically roommates, and that is all. There is no love and no connection, only a history.

As I listened to this story – one I have heard many times – I could see in her face that although she said she felt “free,” she really was trapped. Trapped from discovering who she could be – the highest version of herself. Now this does not mean that divorce is necessary, just that if the discovery process of what she wants the rest of her life to look like is not completed, she and her life will remain in limbo.

Here are the questions to ask to help yourself when in this situation:

1. To Whom are You Committed? You need to either commit to the marital relationship, and this will likely take hard work and help from a third party, or decide whether it cannot move forward so that you can commit to YOU. Being committed to an “us” is different from committing to “me,” but both involve a healing journey and hard work.

Note: you may not know the answer and that is ok, but please get some help so you can figure it out and move forward, no matter the choice.

2. Are You Growing? If you are in a situation that is compromising (i.e. you are unhappy, you cringe when the garage door opens, you don’t like to go home/go to bed/be in the house with the spouse, etc.) you prevent yourself from growing and becoming your highest self. I know this because it happened to me. It took an effect on my body, my emotions and my spirit, and I spiraled deeper into unhappiness until I realized there was no way I could grow unless I made changes.

3. Are You Putting YOU First? No matter whether you decide to stay married or leave, you will need to put you first to make the right decision – every situation is different and the answer is subjective, based on many factors that only you (and your spouse) can decide.

If you decide to stay married you will need to learn how to put your marriage first in a whole new way, which requires a lot of work and probably won’t be successful without the help of an experienced coach or therapist. I don’t suggest trying to do this yourself because you need to really dive into the relationship to determine the issues that got you to this point in the first place – this is the only way you can prevent falling back into the same patterns.

If you decide to end the marriage you will need to learn how to put yourself first so you can grow and morph into the best version of you, because once you understand what you need in order to do this, amazing things will come your way.

Consequences…

Staying in a situation that is not bringing joy can cause unhappiness, illness and/or disease, emotional distress, and more. All of these feelings and the reality of the situation can push one into a victim state, from where getting out becomes even more difficult, if not impossible. This does not mean you need to leave your marriage – only that you need to address the elephants in the room and figure out what you need in order to move on and be happy.

Both choices come with hard work, so if you are staying in the marriage in order to avoid the hard work of healing yourself, you will be unhappy, fail to thrive and grow, and have no commitment to your partner or yourself.

On the flip side, if you leave the marriage so as not to have to deal with working to heal it, you may have a very hard time healing yourself so you can move on and create a solo life. It all comes down to this: you need to do the work either way because you only live this life once, so make it the best it can be. 🦋

Why You Must Master 2 Types of Forgiveness to Heal from Divorce

There are 2 types of forgiveness when it comes to healing, especially after a trauma like divorce, and although one is often overlooked it is imperative to understand and master both in order to heal properly and move on to create a new life. 

1. Forgiving Others

Normally when we think of forgiveness in relation to divorce, we think of forgiving the former spouse. While it is necessary to feel the feelings you have after a difficult situation — including anger, blame and others — at some point in the healing journey you need to forgive the spouse, or at least let go of negative emotions associated with that person. This is because focusing on the negative prevents moving forward into the positive. Our minds want to give us what we want, and if we stew in negative emotions our mind believes that is what we want, and we will get more of the same — this is classic law of attraction theory. 

Do you remember the cartoons from long ago (I may be dating myself here) where a character had an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other? Both were whispering into the ear of the character, telling him or her what to do in a particular situation. 

In this case you can look at blame as the devil and forgiveness as the angel. Blaming is common when it comes to divorce. It makes us feel better temporarily because it takes the burden off the self to correct and move forward. But the reality is that blaming puts us in a victim mindset, creates resentment and more negative feelings toward the former spouse, and from there we cannot heal.

It may sound difficult to “let go” of the negativity associated with a former spouse, but holding onto the negative feelings only drowns you in pain and sorrow until you stop resisting and learn to live in the present. From there you can start to forgive and focus on the good parts of the marriage  —  the happy times, raising the children (if that applies), and other memories that are not painful. This helps shift to a positive mindset and allows you to move forward to building a joyous life. Creating this mindset is accomplished by taking baby steps.

Another consideration when contemplating forgiveness is energy, and you need to keep your energy high and positive to heal. Living in negativity greatly affects energy, and it can lead to illness, injuries and pain, both physical and emotional. Remember that another person, including the former spouse, can’t “do something to you” (abuse is a complicated exception); rather, we let them do so. Once we take responsibility and realize the control we have of our own emotions and feelings, we can move on.

It is important to acknowledge a special circumstance when it comes to forgiveness of a former spouse, and that is in the case of abuse — physical, verbal, emotional, or a combination. These cases can be extremely challenging when it comes to healing, but there are ways to eliminate the negativity surrounding them and what happened, and the empowerment you gain through your exit from the relationship will push you toward your new life and joy. Professional help from those who specialize in severe trauma recovery is usually required.

2. Forgiving the Self

Forgiveness does not only mean forgiving the former spouse. It also means forgiving ONESELF. This type of forgiveness can be even more difficult than forgiving others. We tend to be our own worst critics, and oftentimes in situations like divorce we question our own decisions and actions — “What did I do wrong?” “Why didn’t I “fix” it?” “Why did I stay in an unhappy relationship for so long?”

The secrets to learning to forgive the self include being kind and gentle to yourself, accepting what is — recognizing that you cannot change the past (stop with the “should have, could have, would have” outlook), feeling your feelings and acknowledging them, stop resisting living the peaceful life you want to live by letting negativity consume you, putting healthy food into your body and moving, catching and correcting yourself when you blame yourself, stop blaming your former spouse, and continue taking small steps like this every day. Most of all, love yourself. You are a work in progress — we all are! 

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Holding onto anger, blame and resentment toward oneself and/or the former spouse after divorce not only stagnates the healing process, but can also cause illness and pain within the physical and mental/emotional body. Recognizing that we are not bad, evil, wrong, etc. for the demise of a relationship or a marriage, that suffering is temporary, and that situations like divorce are a means of finding purpose in life so we can be our highest and best selves, is the key to happiness. It is only at this point that we can heal our spirits and make a difference in the world. 

It is also important to acknowledge that trauma like divorce does not prevent us from achieving future happiness. In fact the truth is quite to the contrary — the wisdom we gained throughout the relationship, the trauma, and throughout our lives provide us with a skillset to accomplish anything! 🦋

Healing After Compounded Loss or Grief: 7 Steps to Wellness

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about loss. As a Los Angeles native, house fire survivor and empath, I have been devastated by the destruction in Los Angeles County due to the wildfires. Although I do not normally watch television, I have been glued to LA news in the last week, concerned for family members and friends who live in the evacuation areas; it has truly affected my energy.

Worry or loss like this on its own is challenging. But what happens when we experience something like this WHILE trying to heal from something else (like divorce)? It’s a double whammy.

If you are trying to heal from divorce/other trauma, and at the same time feel you are being bombarded by challenging outside forces you cannot control that create more loss or grief, this is called compounded loss, or compounded grief . This is when we experience a series of losses of grief events that occur within close proximity, even if the losses or grief are related to different areas of your life, making it even harder to cope.

There are some things you can do to get back on the path to healing and feeling well, body, mind and spirit. This works for any kind of loss or compounded loss:

1. Breathe. When we are stressed or sad we usually do not breathe right (yes, there actually is a “right” way to breathe that calms your nervous system and allows you to get the most oxygen to your cells). Practice taking slow inhales while you count to 4 in your head – slowly. Then exhale slowly and count to 4 again. Keep up with this and you will start to notice when you are NOT doing it – that’s a very good sign.

Meditate. Meditation is a form of breathwork and relaxation, and is a fantastic way to calm down your mind and body. I have a podcast on how to get started.

2. Turn OFF the media. When I went through my divorce healing journey I turned off the TV – completely. Once in a while I watched funny movies, but no mainstream news media or other shows that would affect my energy. I knew I was in a battle to recover and I needed the most positive energy I could get. I works wonders – try it.

3. Move your body. We all know we need to do this but many of us forget, especially when we are not feeling our best emotionally. Make it a point to move, and at least 3 times a week do so outside, preferably in nature (park, beach, lake, woods).

If you don’t want to go to a gym you can put on some music and simply dance in your house. But make sure to move – it not only gets all your organs and fluids moving more smoothly, but also creates feel-good hormones that help you heal faster.

4. Call your friends and loved ones. Call them and tell them you love them, ask how they are doing, and share how you are doing. Connection keeps us feeling more healthy, which will enable us to keep healing.

5. Make plans with others. Get out and do something fun at least once a week. From a movie to lunch to a walk – it doesn’t matter what, just lean on your support network. You will notice a difference. If you don’t have a support network or want to understand how important it is to have one, click here.

6. Take care of yourself. I know – this sounds like SUCH an easy thing to do…but when we are down and things feel so out of our control, it is not easy. For starters, feed yourself healthy foods, stay hydrated, get enough sleep, stay away from alcohol and caffeine, and make sure you take a bit of time each day to relax and do something nice for yourself, like taking a bath.

7. Be Mindful. It is important when we are healing to be mindful of what we are thinking and feeling. If we focus on the moment and realize, for example, that we are thinking of something that won’t help us get to a better place, we become empowered to change that thought process.

If we notice we feel sad we can pick ourselves up and go on a walk outside. The advantage of practicing mindfulness is that we tune into the thoughts and actions that hold us back, and we are able to make changes – and THAT allows us to change our story.

If you feel overwhelmed by compounded grief/loss while you are healing, try incorporating the above suggestions daily and see how you feel in about a week. If you need further help coping with loss or grief, find a coach or therapist to assist in creating an healing plan and in holding you accountable.

For more information on how to start or re-start your divorce healing journey, please visit my website and check out my podcast. 🦋

Building Confidence for Intimacy After Divorce

While it can always be scary to be intimate with a new partner, those who have gone through divorce tend to be more afraid than normal. After all, many came from being in marital relationships for many years, and in those instances there is a comfort level with intimacy (until there isn’t).

In speaking with so many people post-divorce I have learned that the fear of being intimate and getting naked with a new partner is BIG. In fact, it can create dating paralysis in the worst cases. Why is this fear so palpable?

There are many reasons why intimacy can be scary after divorce, comfort levels aside. Sometimes the divorcing couple didn’t have sex for a long time prior to divorce, so there is the question of whether things will “work.” If the person was married a long time and is dating for the first time – in this crazy new dating world to boot – they may feel intimidated. They may be shy with their bodies, which have changed over time since the last time they dated. They may have been shamed by the former spouse, or worse, abused.

No matter the reason or many reasons intimacy is feared after divorce, the good news is that there are ways to overcome the fear, to gain confidence in and acceptance of the body. Changed perspectives about your body will enable and empower you to go out there and embrace intimacy, rather than shun it. It is part of the healing journey, and this is why I strongly feel that it is important to do the self/soul work prior to dating after divorce.

For more details on intimacy post-divorce and how to get ready for it, please tune into my latest podcast series: Sex After Divorce, starting January 3, 2025, with a new episode dropping every Friday in January. These are information-packed episodes, with incredible guests who are top in their fields when it comes to getting ready for intimacy.

You can find The Divorce to Bliss Podcast on YouTube (click here), or on your favorite audio podcast channel. Please do me a favor and like, comment, subscribe and share! I am excited to hear your feedback on this empowering series. 🦋

4 Ways to Thrive During the Holidays After Divorce

It’s that time of year again – the holidays! For many people it is a difficult time, and that tends to be especially true when healing from divorce. A marriage split usually means families are split too, so you may not see anyone from your former spouse’s family – people you may have grown close to over the years of your marriage.

If you are distanced from your inherited marital family and you either have a small family or none yourself, they are located far away, or your don’t have the best relationship with them, this time of year can feel very lonely.

How do you use this time to actually improve your mood and thrive? Here are 4 tips:

1. Focus on YOU. Use the holiday time to take care of yourself. Find a new way to move your body and set a schedule. Walking is always great, and you can go on different ones each time and really explore areas you may not have seen. Getting out in nature on those walks is a huge added bonus for healing and feeling connected to yourself and the earth.

You can also try something you’ve been wanting to try – like Pilates, cycling or yoga. There are lots of good deals during the holidays to sign up for class packs at gyms and studios.

Make sure also to love on yourself with self-care: take baths, play inspiring music and dance, make plans with friends, read, journal, make some new healthy recipes, go outside, get a massage or facial, see a play (too pricey? Go to a high school play – they are usually fantastic), and laugh – a LOT. Taking care of you can be delicious.

2. Make plans with others. While focusing on YOU is great and also needed, don’t spend the majority of your time alone. As human beings we need the company of others in order to feel good – the social component is necessary for a healthy mental/emotional state. So whether you go for a night out with friends or make time for a walk with a neighbor, make sure to incorporate time with others into your holiday schedule.

3. Throw a party. Holiday time is usually beyond chaotic – shopping, cooking, decorating, parties…some people love this and others do not. Either way, you can still make the holidays fun even though they may be different. Invite a few friends over for a potluck, or do an appetizer or dessert and wine party, and have everyone bring a bottle of wine and you can get creative with appetizers or show off your baking skills (or if you don’t drink, like me, you can have a tea party or serve different cocoas or other non-alcoholic fun drinks – or have both).

Another fun adult party is to have everyone over for cookie baking. You supply several kinds of dough and ask each person to bring 1-2 creative additions, like frosting, chocolate chips, sprinkles or other toppings.

To make your party even more fun ask everyone to bring a wrapped gift (provide a spending limit) and find a gift exchange game – there are some great ones out there.

4. Give back. Take your stagnant energy and put it into giving back – to charitable organizations or to your community in some way. You can start by looking online for opportunities, or by calling your city or checking their website. Find a friend to take with you and bask in the amazing feeling of making another person’s life shine a little brighter.

Another way to give to others is to go through your closets and donate items you no longer need or use. You can even get others involved and do a combined drop off. I love to donate clothing and other items to help women in shelters get back on their feet – many of them have children too so you can drop off new items, diapers and toys. Check your local listings for locations and see what they need.

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No matter which things you choose to do, the idea is that you DO them – sitting around feeling sad is definitely not the way to heal! If you need more ideas feel free to message me. Have a very happy holiday season and know that you can get through it and thrive!

Friendship, Connection and Healing

I know one thing for sure – I could never have gotten through my divorce without my friends. There were a few in particular who were rocks – I could always find them on days when I needed extra encouragement or support. When you go through something challenging there is nothing like a true friend, and you define them when you see who really shows up for you.

I have always told my children how important it is to have friends, to be a member of a “tribe.” That rings true today more than ever, with the infusion of technology into our lives. There is less time spent talking to and being with others. No wonder the rates of mental illness in this country have skyrocketed in the last few decades. We need to get back to the most important thing that keeps each one of us afloat and joyful – connection.

When going through a trauma like divorce it is exponentially more difficult to do on one’s own. While it may feel right to hide away and keep to oneself, it is the connection with people that will actually get you to do things that will help with healing. Some examples of this are getting outside, moving the body, eating healthy, laughing, and finding things to do that are fun. These are all SO much easier to do with someone who loves us or shares our interests, and it is definitely harder to sit at home when others are calling you to join them.

Some people naturally may not have close friends, and some may have shared mutual connections with their former spouse with whom they no longer speak. If you are in this position I suggest joining a group – choose something you either love to do or have always wanted to try, like painting, hiking, learning a new language or sport. Find a group that meets to do the thing you choose, and GO. No online groups – you have to actually go and associate with people while you do this new or favorite thing, and you need to stick to it.

A few things happen once you do this:

1. You connect with others who have a similar interest. It’s not like going to a bar or party and finding things to talk about with strangers. You are each there because you have a similar interest – it is easy to connect with people when they both enjoy what they are doing.

    2. You build your support network. You can’t make many important changes until you are around others. Connecting helps you build or strengthen your support network, which makes you realize that although much healing work involves deep personal dives, we still need connection and human support.

    3. You get out of your comfort zone. Time to take off the sweat pants and stop binge watching Netflix every night…a change of scenery does wonders for healing.

    4. You will likely enjoy yourself. With all the heaviness divorce brings, it is important to lighten up and have fun. Laughter has been proven to lead to feeling better, and it actually stimulates the feel good hormones that we need when we are healing.

    5. You get closer to self-love and build self-worth. When you are around others and you are enjoying yourself, you realize that others actually like to be around you. This not only makes you feel better in many respects, but also brings you closer to falling in love with YOU, and to having higher self-worth.

    All of the above reasons do wonders for your healing journey, and when you feel that you are supported AND have fun being around others, the healing journey is not so lonely. Once you start feeling a bit less alone, you may want to consider asking new or old friends (or both) to book regular fun nights – dinner, movies, bowling, sports games or concerts, etc. Get it in the calendar and find fun things to do.

    Healing from divorce is often challenging, but doing things you like with those who care about you, or making new friends who share a common interest, will ease your process and bring you joy. This is important even if you enjoy being alone (as do I), so make sure to incorporate it into your life.

    How to Unstack

    The last few months have been challenging for me, with so much going on and some difficult things thrown into the mix. I was thinking that the last time I felt like this was when I was going through my divorce healing. The difference then was that most everything was within my control – this is one of the most important lessons I learned and it is what I teach.

    This time, however, many of the things that are going on are not within my control. The way I respond to them is of course within my control, but I do not choose to ignore them because people I love are involved.

    So…in order to get some control back and make sure I am taking care of me, I had to “unstack” myself. I just posted a podcast about this in case you want to check it out. But basically being “stacked” is a term I created for when we have too many things on our plates. If you throw healing into the mix it can get messy, and we can spiral backwards and even into a victim mentality.

    There are a few things to remember when we recognize we are stacked and want to get unstacked, so here are some of them:

    1. Keep the focus on positivity. As I always say, any healing or changes within start with mindset. No matter whether we are stressed at work, have a sick child, need to find a new job, or have too many responsibilities, we MUST seek the positive in every situation.

    For example, if you got laid off and need to find a new job and feel stressed about it, remind yourself that you have time to find a job that truly makes you happy, and take the down time to work on healing and caring for yourself as well. When you incorporate these into finding the new job you will discover that you feel a bit lighter, and that will likely lead you to find the right job.

    On another note, if you are helping a sick child or relative it is a reminder of how precious life is, so express gratitude for your own health. Finding joy in the midst of difficulty, or even tragedy, allows us to come out ahead and not only survive, but thrive.

    2. Pick one issue to deal with first. When you have so much going on the overwhelm can be your biggest enemy, and can actually cause you to come to a screeching halt. This is a perfectly normal response when we have too much going on. Pick one thing to “tackle” first. Make a list of the feelings associated with that issue. For example, if you have a child going through a difficult time who needs you more than usual, you may experience worry, sadness, etc. Write all the feelings down.

    Then, find counter arguments (I know – I sound like a lawyer here) to the feelings, and start to solve problems. This may sound counterintuitive, as feeling sad over a sick child shouldn’t “be” countered, but here’s what I mean: you can simply express gratitude for the ability to find solutions to the problem, such as specialist doctors, natropathic remedies, or different types of therapy.

    Next, take steps toward implementing the strategies you discovered. Do some research on the specialists and talk to them, learn about homeopathic remedies, or look into therapy treatments. Most of all, during the entire process make sure you are helping the child to feel better. Buy some coloring books and sparkly markers and sit together to create some art, or read a book aloud. These things will also help you relax and improve mood and attitude.

    3. Move onto another issue. Once you start to feel better about the first issue and have made some progress with solutions and implementation of them, you can move onto another issue you need to deal with. Tackle that in the same way as you did the first issue – keep your focus positive, write down feelings associated with the issue, find the counter arguments and start taking action.

    *****

    This process can help you create order out of what can feel chaotic, so you can actually move forward instead of being stuck. Using your energy to problem solve and take action is a productive use of energy, which makes it easier to face challenges. Let me know how it goes! 🦋

    It’s About the Vibration, Baby!

    How’s your vibration? If you are just starting a healing journey I bet it is pretty low – and this is completely normal! Divorce can create a lot of fear, negativity, and feelings of helplessness and despair.

    Let me take a step back and ask if you knew what I meant when I asked how your vibration is…many people do not understand vibrations and that too is ok. It is not something that is normally discussed unless you are a very conscious individual (although happily it is becoming more mainstream now).

    A vibration is the energy that radiates within every thing – whether it be human, animal, rock or dirt. Everything is made of energy. For that matter, energy can change, especially in humans since we are often ruled by our feelings and emotions.

    If you are in a slump – feeing down, sad, angry, triggered, stressed, or a host of other negative feelings, then your vibration will be lower. The people you see who seem to always be happy and positive – their vibration is higher. When you work on yourself to heal your vibration will rise.

    You may wonder what happens to someone with a high vibration – and this is a great question. People with high vibrations attract positive things into their lives, from people to things that others may see as good luck or coincidence…except it’s none of these. When our vibration is high others want to be around us, and people pick up on that vibration whether theirs is high, low or somewhere in between.

    Now of course no one is on top all of the time – live ebbs and flows and so do our emotions. BUT a high vibration person usually knows how to get back on track to being high-vibe. I am high-vibration but but went to a low place at the end of my marriage. My vibration rose after I went though my healing journey – I was and am SO grateful and happy with my life. I too deal with challenges just like anyone else, but it’s how I see them and handle them that keeps my vibration high.

    I have had some great comments from total strangers about my vibe, but I have also seen others feel threatened by it. You can tell those who have a difficult time by the way they avoid eye contact or make a low-energy or even rude comment – even if you didn’t ask a question. That is because most humans can feel the energy coming off another person, or at least see it from their body language or hear it in their words. Those who feel threatened by high-vibe people need to work on themselves – this is one way to self-check whether you might need to do some exploration into a healing journey.

    The great news is that you can raise your vibration…and once you do you will be amazed at how good things start to happen and how much better you feel – physically and mentally. The best way to describe it is that you feel more clarity, lighter, sharper, happier and free. It’s like someone turned on the light inside you, and it’s a beautiful thing.

    Here are a few ways you can start raising your vibration:

    1. Start noticing negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. You need to retrain yourself to focus on positivity, as you won’t raise your vibration with negative thoughts. For example, if you feel sad, find something that makes you feel happy – this can be the simple fact that you are here, breathing and alive, a beautiful sunset, dogs frolicking, or even looking at past photos of times that made you feel great. Keep noticing thoughts that are not positive and replacing them with positive ones – let’s say it’s raining and you think “darn – now I have to sit inside all day…” Instead, see the positive and replace that with “Great! Now I can finally get _____ finished today!” It takes work when you are down but eventually you will notice that you start thinking more positively.

    2. Surround yourself with positive people. Have you ever known someone who always complains or is quick to judge? Their energy leaks out to you: think about it – if you are speaking with someone like this it is hard to feel positive! So start hanging out with those who ARE positive. You may need to learn more about letting go – at least until you heal and get to a better place. Check out this blog on letting go for more information.

    3. Try something new. Find something to do that you have not tried – maybe you always wanted to paint or learn to play pickleball, or maybe you want to start baking or take a class toward getting a license or degree. DO IT! You will be surrounded by others who are interested in the same subject, and you may make a connection or two.

    4. Take care of your body. Eat healthy, stay away from alcohol, drugs and smoking/vaping. Exercise – you can’t say you don’t like to exercise because there are so many ways to do this, from simply walking to sports to dancing in your living room. The idea is to MOVE the body, as this stimulates endorphins which help you feel better. Start doing this daily.

    5. Get outside. It is important to connect with nature, and there are scientific studies that prove this to be true. Go to the ocean, a lake, stream, field, park, sit under a tree or lay on the ground and watch the clouds pass by. Find ways to enjoy the beauty that surrounds you.

    6. Trust your intuition. You know that little voice that tells you to do or not to do something? Or a sign that points you in a particular direction? LISTEN to it! This is a huge part of healing. If you need more help tuning into your intuition check out this podcast.

    These are a small sampling of things you can do to start raising your vibration, and there are many more.

    It is important to know that if you are in or starting the healing process it can be hard to understand specifically what you need without guidance and accountability…if you would like help please click this link to visit my website and get more information. 🦋