When I left my marriage I was actually looking forward to being alone. I had no plans to date or try to meet men. I knew I needed time to heal and to be with myself, because as I have said before you cannot love another until you truly love yourself…this does not happen quickly but takes a lot of deep work. Many people think they love themselves, but they truly do not. Once you are completely happy just being with yourself, with no need for another to “make you happy” (which of course if a fallacy, as I have also mentioned before), then you are truly in love with yourself. BUT the caveat is that you have to constantly work at this, just like with any relationship.

So I moved into my new place and quickly made it a home (I am this way – I need things to be comfortable and everything put in its place). For a few months prior to that there was a man who kept popping up on my “people you may want to friend” list on Facebook. I strangely felt some connection, but I did not open his profile or do anything. I was still packing, selling things and getting ready to move, and life was chaotic with my divorce pending.

After I moved I was checking messages one night and he popped up again. I called a friend, who confirmed what I thought – there was a reason for this. So I reached out to him. We chatted a few times and had a lot in common, so we met for dinner – it was not a “date” per se, but I suppose it could have been called that.

You have to understand that at that time I was literally buzzing – I was so high on life and so happy. I just came out of a dark period and I felt insanely blissed out – I felt and looked better than I had in years, my body was strong and I felt feminine and pretty (hadn’t felt that in a long time) – awakening really does that to you. Nothing could get me down, I saw so much beauty in everything and my energy levels were so high, I literally appreciated everything and everyone, nothing made me upset and I didn’t worry about anything. I had let my inner child out after she had been hibernating for years, so I felt lighter and relaxed, ready to have fun. This is how I met this man, and because he too was so spiritual it didn’t seem to bother him, but it would be the ultimate downfall. Most men would have been scared of me in this state!

I call this man my “fake” rebound. I did not want a “rebound” relationship – that is just not for me – and this never progressed to a real relationship, thus the fake status. I don’t need to sleep with someone to feel that I am worthy – I would rather save that for someone I care about because to me intimacy is sacred. There was never anything physical between me and fake rebound guy, although I’m pretty sure the attraction was mutual…but never even a kiss!

For the next month and a half we saw each other quite often, talked on the phone, did all kinds of active and fun things. But I believe this man was intimidated by me and he was definitely not available emotionally. There were many red flags, and I realized he did not respect me in some ways, which led to him lying to me – this is never acceptable, and it means someone does not value my worth.

I am glad I had this experience because it taught me what I want in a partner when I am ready. I took away so many powerful learning lessons. I do not put myself on dating sites (and never will), because I don’t like games. Friends tell me a man won’t come knocking at my door, but I know he will come into my life when the time is right – and I am fine with being with myself until that happens. Love will find me, I know this to be true.

Mostly importantly, my fake rebound guy experience reminded me that I am so worthy – I knew that but I slipped into an old pattern. When I have a life partner again he will value my worth and appreciate me. Although I have several other requirements on my list the most important is that he is emotionally available for a mature and healthy adult relationship; so many people are not…and he must like dogs (and my dog must like him) – this is non-negotiable.

I am excited for that chapter and I know it is coming, but I am also content with being with just myself (and my dog). I like who I am – a strong, independent, smart, fun, beautiful and successful woman. The man who sees this will be a lucky man. We women need to embrace who we are and stand strong in our self-worth, because we are all goddesses. Don’t ever doubt your self worth, and don’t ever change for anyone!