Do you know the most important words in English? I’ll bet they are not what you are thinking. But if you learn them and work hard to make change within yourself you will evolve into a beautiful human being full of love.

Words are so powerful and they shape our lives from the moment we are born until we die. You have likely heard some incredible speeches, read beautiful prose, listened to someone passionately pouring their heart out in support or against an idea, cause or movement, or been told you were either incredible or worse: terrible/lazy/incompetent, etc. Each one of us has been touched, inspired, moved, incensed or hurt by words.

The power or your own words, those you say out loud and those you say in your mind to yourself, lead either to happiness and accomplishment of your goals, or they lead to fear and not being able to accomplish the things you desire and know will make you happy. I know this to be true because I have been on both sides; for the last few years of my marriage I never really understood what I was doing to myself, via my own thoughts and self-talk, to sabotage my happiness.

I AM are the most potent words in existence. What you believe, so it will be. If you think you are unlucky or that you will never find love, guess what?! If you believe you are happy/deserving/wealthy/healthy, or anything else, it will be. Conversely, the wrong words and thoughts can keep us stuck in victim consciousness, and things will continue to not go our way until we change our mindset – which starts with words and the thoughts that come with them.

I have always been a high achiever, and naturally one who focuses on a goal and works hard until I accomplish it. But in the last few years of my marriage I didn’t listen to my inner voice and told myself the relationship would improve. I was unhappy and then progressively became more so over time, but instead of telling myself I needed to make changes to be happy I stayed put and did nothing. I believed comments that were made to me which made me feel badly, like it was my fault. I let myself be manipulated into believing I had problems that caused the relationship to fail. Until I woke up.

I AM are formative words that align us with god or spirit (however you envision this). When we use these words we should only do so in order to express positive thoughts. This is because what we think, we believe. I had to start focusing on what I needed and wanted, with constant reminders out loud (I AM HAPPY, I AM BLESSED, I AM PROTECTED, I AM CAPABLE, I AM STRONG, I AM DESERVING OF HAPPINESS AND LOVE…). It can be hard to do at first, but when you listen to your intuition it speaks to you. The best way to do this is to sit uninterrupted in a quiet spot and tune out everything (as much as you can). Focus on your dreams – what do you see for yourself? What do you want? Write down and constantly tell yourself what you want as if you have it now. It’s amazing what happens when we really start to tune in and think in this way.

I knew I wanted to be happy, and the first step was getting out of my marriage. I am by no means saying that others need that – everyone is different and many marriages can successfully be saved. But in my case I had to be free in order to realize my dreams, get “unstuck,” and truly be my highest self – and that could only come from loving myself. When you love someone you want what is best for them…the same goes for YOU. Don’t forget it took me many years to be able to effortlessly make my decision, and that is because I stayed in a place where I was not thriving and I was not listening to all my heart and body were telling me. Once I realized this and started focusing on what I wanted and needed, my life changed in beautiful ways. I now focus on what is best for me and what feels right…and boy have doors opened for me!

This advice applies to everything – no matter in what areas of your life you are unhappy, stuck, trapped, or unable to move forward. The proof is in the pudding, as they say. I cannot tell you how many people have commented on how my energy has changed, on how happy I am. Total strangers have told me they can feel my energy and that I seem like such a grounded person, and ask how I am so happy….because what I tell you is true!

Whatever your journey, especially if you are going through a divorce, you can be happy again, even happier than you could have ever imagined. Divorce in particular is very difficult, even if it is not contentious. Leaving a marriage is like a death – two souls that had been joined together and pledged their love for each other are no longer a “we.” Ending that is so hard, no matter what. We have been taught that marriage is forever, and although it can be tough at times you do not walk away; we have been taught that equates with failure. I disagree.

I believe people are always changing, and if you reach a point where you are not constantly morphing from a caterpillar into a butterfly (regardless of how long each change may take), you need to take stock in order to find true happiness. 🦋