Dating after divorce is one of the things many of my clients fear most, especially because so much has changed in the dating world since before most of them were married – namely, the dreaded dating apps.

First of all, it is of utmost importance to mention that if you just went through or are going through divorce, please do yourself the biggest favor possible and DON’T DATE UNTIL YOU HAVE DONE THE HEALING WORK FOR YOURSELF! I’m sorry for “shouting,” but I cannot tell you how important this last sentence is. If you think you’ll be “fine” dating prior to healing, you have a rude awakening ahead.

The reason you need to heal first is to discover the “new” version of you – who you are now, after divorce, how your new life will look, and especially what you need and want in your next partner. You cannot know these things until you have gone through the healing journey, and that involves many steps. If you “find” someone before healing it will be a someone that the “old” version of you attracts, instead of someone the “new” version of you will attract… and that relationship will not be sustainable as you evolve.

Once you are ready to date there are things to watch out for, as there are many people who do not truly represent their true selves, and many more who do not yet know what that means. When I first started dating I was seeing a few fantastic men. There was a friend of a friend I had been interested in meeting, but when I first reached out to him he was seeing someone. A few months later he contacted me and asked if I was still interested in meeting, and I was. When he messaged me I was sitting in a restaurant waiting for a late friend to arrive and I happened to be texting someone, so when his message popped up I answered…I never heard from him again. 👻

A friend later told me I “answered too quickly.” How silly is that! It was one of the new “rules” of dating – don’t appear too excited, I suppose. But here is the thing: I don’t play by rules. I am simply and unapologetically me, and I am 100% proud to speak and stand in my truth. I knew exactly what type of men I wanted to date, and the first rule was that they had to have worked on themselves and understood what they wanted. This guy quickly put himself in the “NEVER” pile – his loss!

When you do the work on YOU, you become a force – strong, self-confident, happy, sure of who you are, what you want, and what you deserve. These qualities make you a high-value woman or man. What this man did – ghosting – was a game, something I wanted no part of. The men I dated had to love that I didn’t play games, or forget it. My time was not worth wasting. If you want to find an amazing relationship down the road, this is the attitude to adopt.

Doing the work means learning how to value yourself so you make the best choices for you, and by doing so you will eventually find a partner who loves, values and respects you – for you. I knew once I did the work and felt so good about myself that I would find that person when the timing was right.

Love is not found by searching for it. It is found when you heal and exude the energy that attracts the right person, who is also healed and ready. You must first love YOU before you can love another. I promise this is worth the work and the wait.

Do you need help figuring out how to find yourself and become a high-valued person that will attract the right partner? Please reach out to me here. 🦋