I always get inquiries about healing over the holidays, and whether it can be done. My answer is a definite YES; in fact, the holidays can be an amazing time to work on healing because of the extra time many of us have on our plates.

Holidays are usually THE most difficult time for many people post-divorce. This is especially true due to the former spouse’s family; even if you do stay in touch with them holidays can be tricky. The same goes for mutual friends or couple friends that you and your former spouse shared.

The first thing to do is to acknowledge that the holidays are challenging – explore how that makes you feel and realize that it simply is. Write down your feelings in a journal. Then it’s time to get to work!

There are 3 things to strive for during the holidays that will jumpstart your healing process and make you feel better so you can start the New Year as the new you:

1. Learn to relish being alone. Being alone is one of the most difficult things most people going through divorce will face. Unfortunately it can lead to doing the wrong things, which will only prolong the healing period. One example is jumping into a relationship prior to healing (check out my podcast – The Divorce to Bliss Podcast – to learn more).

Despite fear of being alone you can train yourself to really enjoy it. Make an appointment with yourself every day – put it in your calendar. It can be for 30 minutes or more, depending on your availability. But make it a priority, and don’t tell yourself you don’t have time – we all do, no matter how busy we are. What we give attention to is a choice, and if you want to heal you’ll make time.

Take a bubble bath with candles and music, dance, go on a nature walk, make yourself an amazing meal and set the table beautifully for one. Go to a beautiful place (beach, lake, park) and write in your journal about what you envision your new life to look like. Meditate. Take a yoga class. Read a book. Take yourself shopping and buy something that the new you will enjoy – especially something that makes you feel good or sexy. Have fun with this, but commit the time. You will notice after about a week or two you will look forward to this alone time, so keep it up.

2. Spend time with others. Yes, you need to definitely do this too, especially during the holidays. It is imperative to surround yourself with friends and family – those who truly care for you. Keep in mind that if any of them try to tell you what they think you should/shouldn’t do, that’s a red flag to your healing (explore my Podcast on Letting Go). Try to make the time you have with others light and fun, not heavy where you sit around and talk about only the difficulties. Sharing feelings is great and helpful, but also strive to have fun.

Spending time with others includes your children, if you are a parent. Make that time as fun and creative as possible; there are many ways to do this depending on their ages. Remember that you need to be with your children and also with adult friends/family. Luckily the holidays often provide extra time off so this is possible. If not, you will have to get creative, but don’t not do it.

3. Take care of yourself. This is a big order, but it is one of the most necessary things to do when healing. Taking care of the self means care for the body, mind and spirit. This includes eating healthy, exercising and nurturing the soul or spirit. A walk or run out in nature covers all 3, and produces endorphins to keep you feeling good. Avoiding sugar, alcohol and unhealthy fats fuels the body and makes it easier to get out and burn calories…yes I know you want to eat all the holiday goodies, but you will feel SO much better if you avoid them. You can let yourself occasionally splurge in moderation when you are celebrating, but pay attention to how eating unhealthy foods make you feel.

If you are not thrilled with the idea of exercise, first you need to realize that it is a necessity when healing to move the body and you don’t have to go to a gym or class to do it. Exercise allows all the stuck energy to leave and frees the spirit and mind so that you can work through the healing and create the new life you desire. It is important to alter the mindset to view it as a lifestyle choice (positive) and not something you have to do (negative). For more tips on this please see or listen to The Divorce to Bliss Podcast – check your favorite search engine for where to do so.

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The holidays will never be “easy” for one going through or coming out of divorce, but by committing to healing you can make it your time to start or continue along with your personal journey. You can do it, and I support you!