I noticed a particularly interesting thing when I got divorced: every time someone asked if I was married or something about my husband, and I replied that I was divorced, the first thing out of most people’s mouths was “I’m sorry!” Now, don’t worry, I was not sorry and I replied to that effect, telling them that I was happier than ever, and to please not feel sorry for me.

Divorce has always been seen as a stigma in society – many cultures, religion and familial values portray it this way – and most of us have been taught consciously or subconsciously our entire lives that marriage is forever and that divorce is “wrong” or “bad,” or ideas to that effect. Despite the fact that a divorce happens every 36 seconds in this country, that half of all marriages end this way, and that we have come so far in establishing that it is ok to move on from a marriage in many cases, it is still looked at in a negative light, and especially for women.

Furthermore, there are no rules or coping skills taught for going through divorce – most people want to heal but have NO idea how to do it. In many families and societies it is still something that is not discussed much, and some families and cultures push the divorcee to find another spouse right away. No wonder healing from divorce can be tricky.

Most importantly, when it comes to divorce all of these societal/cultural/familial “rules” and reactions from others do the one thing that we must try to avoid when healing: bring us down! They create negative emotions and often time a lot of confusion within, and those do nothing for us when we are trying to heal, which is conversely all about positivity. In fact, many people get stuck there and simply cannot find their way out.

I learned right away to stand in my truth and let people know that there is no need to feel sorry for me. It is interesting how people react when you say this to them – some are very surprised, others simply smile and said they are happy you are in a good place. If you want to truly heal and create your new life, you too need to speak up in this way. Let people know that while you appreciate their concern, it is not needed because you are on your way to creating a beautiful new life. Instead of feeling sorry they can send you blessings.

The more negativity we surround ourselves with, and the more we let in, the lower the chance we will be able to heal. So start by noticing what others may say to you about your divorce and how it makes you feel. If in any way these things make you feel negative, learn to express yourself so the person understands that you are healing and want to be happy.

We become so empowered when we express our positive intentions and excitement for what is to come. Don’t ever walk away from a comment that leaves you feeling down; instead, stand in and speak your truth. Once people understand that leaving your marriage was a positive choice for you, hopefully this idea will spread and in time society will not attach so much stigma to divorce. 🦋