We all know that divorce is challenging for many reasons. But what about for those going through “grey divorce,” otherwise known as midlife divorces, or those that occur after 50? Grey divorce has skyrocketed in the U.S. since the 2020 pandemic, with the most significant increase (tripled!) in divorce rates occurring in the 65+ range over a 30 year period.

It is interesting to note that studies found these higher rates are likely a result of the evolution in societal tolerance of divorce (which in my opinion still has a long way to go), and also on the growing financial and independent status of women (also a long way to go – but that’s a story for a different type of blog).

With these high numbers of older divorcees out there in the world also come different hurdles – let’s take a look at some of them.

1. Financial Independence/Job Market Challenges. Grey divorces can take a toll on finances, and mostly for women who gave up careers to raise families. Many of those women never went back into the workforce, or may have done so part-time or not in the capacity of the former career they may have had. The ability to support oneself can be a stressor when going through divorce, especially if getting back out into the job market and honing skills is involved. But there is a lot of help out there in this arena today, so my advice is to stop being afraid and figure out what you love to do, then find a way to make it happen. Meet with a financial planner first and create a plan so you know what your situation looks like and you are able to sustain while job hunting or going back to school, etc.

2. Being Alone Midlife. This is a very real fear for many grey divorcees, as aging brings fear about health and future challenges. Coming out of a long marriage and being alone makes some people scared – what if they need surgery, become ill? Who will help and take care of them in such situations?

It is important to establish a plan with those in your support network so in case there is an issue you have help. Don’t let the fear keep you from enjoying being alone though, as doing so is a huge part of healing. When you divorce at any age, but specifically as you get older because the dating pool shrinks, it is important to accept that being alone is a possibility – this is part of the healing work.

3. Dating has Evolved! One of the biggest challenges for grey divorcees is, of course, dating 2.0! The last time most grey divorcees dated, there likely were no dating apps or an internet, and these can be overwhelming to anyone, let alone those who are not familiar with what is now the status quo of dating.

The first thing to realize when it comes to dating post-divorce – at any age – is that NO ONE should date so until they have done the healing work. That is because when we heal we become a different version of ourselves. The “me” you were when you were married or first divorced is a completely different version of the “me” you become once you have done the work to heal. When you go into the dating world as the new version of you, you will attract completely different people than you would have as the old version of yourself. Those who want to be with the new you are the ones with whom you have the chance of successful partnership.

Another note on learning to be alone: It is important to learn how to be alone so you can heal properly, before dating. Enjoying alone time will help you heal quicker and better. Personally, when I was going through my healing process I had to accept the possibility of being alone for the rest of my life – this means that I truly love myself, value my self-worth, and know I am the only one in control of my own happiness…it can take time to get to this point but it will position you to attract an amazing partner who will complement and respect the new you – if that is what you desire.

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Life after grey divorce has many of the same challenges others face earlier in life, but also some that are tailored to those who are mature and wiser. Take time to heal and take time to PLAN...this is the best way to make the most of your new life so you can find your bliss. 🦋