Dating after divorce can be daunting, but if you have done the healing work and are ready to jump in, don’t be discouraged. The most important thing is that you are able to attract the kind of people you want to be around, and the best way to do this is to be prepared.

How do you know that you are ready for dating? The answer to that question is that you will just know. I understand that this sounds a bit far-fetched, but once you start feeling really good about your healing you will feel a lightening within your body, mind and spirit. You also might start thinking of dating at this time.

When you are coming to the part in your healing journey where you are starting to feel it might be nice to date, it is time to make your list. This is a list of qualities/attributes you need and would like to see in a future potential partner.

There are 2 things that are important in making this list: 1. Realize that the list will morph as you move forward in your dating journey – you may remove or add things you experience meeting people and spending time with them. 2. There are no rules for this list, other than for you to realize that no one is perfect and no one will fulfill all the qualities on your list.

The idea in making a list is to provide some accountability for yourself. It is easy to meet someone who has a red flag that might be a quality or situation that does not serve the new and improved version of you…but say you feel a strong attraction to that person and move forward with seeing them (or seeing them again). The list is there to hold you accountable – only you know what you DESERVE, what you need, and what will compliment the new person you have become. Most importantly, once you have done the healing work you will value your self-worth – part of the reason for making the list is to remind you of this, so you can put YOU first.

The next word of caution is to be strong about the things on your list for which you will not compromise, as doing so would go against all the hard work you accomplished to heal. For example, if you meet someone who doesn’t treat you the way you know you should be treated, don’t even waste your time. If it sets off a red flag in your mind, trust that…no matter how attractive a person may be.

Also, one of the qualities on everyone’s list should be that the person is “available.” This means they too have done any needed work and are ready for a committed relationship when the time is right or the right person comes along. If someone tells you right off the bat that they are “not ready” for a serious relationship, even if you are just starting to date and want one at some point when the time/person is right, you may want to think twice about dating that person. Unavailability means they have unresolved issues and some healing work to do. The same goes for those who say they are in the process of breaking up with someone…this does not serve you nor all the hard work you put in to get to where you are. It is a self-worth nightmare.

The other great thing about a dating list is that once you do find a great partner down the road (if that’s what you choose), you can look back at your list and see if you followed through and found someone with the important qualities you wrote down. Sometimes we find people with qualities we did not even consider nor know we needed in a partner. Regardless, it is always interesting look back at the list.

No matter what is on your list, the reason for the exercise is to tell your brain that you expect to date people who value you, respect you, and are truly interested in you. Why? Because if you haven’t figured it out by now, YOU ARE DESERVING OF HAPPINESS!