So many of my clients and people with whom I speak tell me they “can’t heal,” for various reasons they perceive to be true. Some feel they don’t have the energy to do so, others think they are not strong enough or possess so much fear that they literally remain glued to their circumstances and feelings.

The interesting thing is that once we start deconstructing the limiting beliefs in our own minds, it becomes possible for ANYONE to heal! Healing is a journey, and for many people it is hard to know where to start and what the next steps are once we have accomplished one small step. That is why it is so important to work with someone (like a healing coach) who can help you plan a route through healing and also be there when a pivot is needed, and to support and hold you accountable.

Here are a few ways to start the healing process with what you already have within.

1. Notice feelings, statements and thoughts. This is a great way to start the healing process, because all it requires you to do is to be aware. Once you start doing this it can feel overwhelming to see how much negativity is within…but keep at it. Every time you have a negative thought, feeling or make a negative statement: stop yourself, close your eyes and take a deep breath. Then replace the thought/feeling/statement with something positive.

For example, if you have a negative thought about your former spouse or make a mean statement about him/her: stop, close your eyes and take a deep breath, then replace it with a positive one (such as “he/she helped me bring 2 beautiful children into this world,” or “s/he supported me when I started a business,” or “we used to laugh a lot together”).

2. Stare fears down. If you are feeling fear about something, address it. Recognize if for what it is and realize that it is perfectly normal to be afraid of change and of the unknown. Don’t chastise yourself for being afraid, as it simply IS. But realize that as you heal your fears will dissipate and you will become more confident. Remind yourself that you ARE confident and worthy, and that you can move past the fears. As you journey though the healing process you will learn to let the fears go and no longer control you.

3. Change negative energy into positive energy. One of the most common reasons people trying to heal on their own get stuck is because of negative energy within. It is important to learn how to replace the negative energy with positive energy. A big reason we need to do this is not only because the negative energy will keep you stuck and unable to succeed at healing, but also because it can manifest itself within your body, such as through disease, pain and mental blocks. This can happen physically, emotionally and spiritually and keeps us from moving forward after divorce or any trauma.

In order to substitute the negative with positive energy, we need to really pay attention to the signs our bodies and minds provide. For example, if you have a pain within the body, start realizing when it appears, and if you get out of that situation does it go away? I realized this at the end of my marriage and it was one of the biggest epiphanies – my pain literally LEFT my body when I was away from the source of stress. Once you discover this, pay attention to it and evaluate it. As you realize the source of the pain/feeling you can learn to control it and start diving into the “why” and the fear surrounding it.

4. Keep record. I tell all my clients to write down their feelings and successes in a journal, however small they may seem. Each baby step means you are making your way through the healing journey, and every step should be celebrated. Writing them all down gives us a huge boost of confidence when we look back to see how far we have come. Once you are healed and living the new life you have created for yourself you will be so proud of yourself when you look back through the healing journey you have documented.

5. Stay active and move the body. Energy needs to be moved through us, and to get the negative energy out and invite positive energy IN, we need to move every day. Walk, dance, exercise, play sports…whatever feels good to your mind and body. Doing these things also releases endorphins, which make us feel better…and when we feel better we tend to be more positive – win win!

6. Eat healthy. This is also a MUST when healing. If your car had to be driven on a long trip you would fill it with gas, put air in the tires and make sure it had oil, right? Those things give you the highest chance in succeeding to get to your destination. Our bodies are similar, with the exception that we MUST use the best and cleanest nutrients in order to succeed. Stay away from sugar, fatty foods, fried foods, fast food, GMOs, alcohol, mind altering substances, and non-organic produce. Stop eating so much meat, and if you must eat it make sure it is sourced from a reputable farmer and does not contain antibiotics or other substances that can harm your body. If you need help, see a nutritionist.

7. Get help. Often the healing journey can be overwhelming, and it is hard to know which steps to take first and what steps one may even need to take. Furthermore, once you do start making headway, it is hard to know where to go next…AND holding oneself accountable can often be the demise of the healing journey. Find a healing coach who can tailor a specific program that fits your needs and helps you tackle your own challenges, so that you can heal and create a beautiful new life after divorce. 🦋