I know one thing for sure – I could never have gotten through my divorce without my friends. There were a few in particular who were rocks – I could always find them on days when I needed extra encouragement or support. When you go through something challenging there is nothing like a true friend, and you define them when you see who really shows up for you.

I have always told my children how important it is to have friends, to be a member of a “tribe.” That rings true today more than ever, with the infusion of technology into our lives. There is less time spent talking to and being with others. No wonder the rates of mental illness in this country have skyrocketed in the last few decades. We need to get back to the most important thing that keeps each one of us afloat and joyful – connection.

When going through a trauma like divorce it is exponentially more difficult to do on one’s own. While it may feel right to hide away and keep to oneself, it is the connection with people that will actually get you to do things that will help with healing. Some examples of this are getting outside, moving the body, eating healthy, laughing, and finding things to do that are fun. These are all SO much easier to do with someone who loves us or shares our interests, and it is definitely harder to sit at home when others are calling you to join them.

Some people naturally may not have close friends, and some may have shared mutual connections with their former spouse with whom they no longer speak. If you are in this position I suggest joining a group – choose something you either love to do or have always wanted to try, like painting, hiking, learning a new language or sport. Find a group that meets to do the thing you choose, and GO. No online groups – you have to actually go and associate with people while you do this new or favorite thing, and you need to stick to it.

A few things happen once you do this:

1. You connect with others who have a similar interest. It’s not like going to a bar or party and finding things to talk about with strangers. You are each there because you have a similar interest – it is easy to connect with people when they both enjoy what they are doing.

2. You build your support network. You can’t make many important changes until you are around others. Connecting helps you build or strengthen your support network, which makes you realize that although much healing work involves deep personal dives, we still need connection and human support.

3. You get out of your comfort zone. Time to take off the sweat pants and stop binge watching Netflix every night…a change of scenery does wonders for healing.

4. You will likely enjoy yourself. With all the heaviness divorce brings, it is important to lighten up and have fun. Laughter has been proven to lead to feeling better, and it actually stimulates the feel good hormones that we need when we are healing.

5. You get closer to self-love and build self-worth. When you are around others and you are enjoying yourself, you realize that others actually like to be around you. This not only makes you feel better in many respects, but also brings you closer to falling in love with YOU, and to having higher self-worth.

All of the above reasons do wonders for your healing journey, and when you feel that you are supported AND have fun being around others, the healing journey is not so lonely. Once you start feeling a bit less alone, you may want to consider asking new or old friends (or both) to book regular fun nights – dinner, movies, bowling, sports games or concerts, etc. Get it in the calendar and find fun things to do.

Healing from divorce is often challenging, but doing things you like with those who care about you, or making new friends who share a common interest, will ease your process and bring you joy. This is important even if you enjoy being alone (as do I), so make sure to incorporate it into your life.