It’s that time of year again – the holidays! For many people it is a difficult time, and that tends to be especially true when healing from divorce. A marriage split usually means families are split too, so you may not see anyone from your former spouse’s family – people you may have grown close to over the years of your marriage.

If you are distanced from your inherited marital family and you either have a small family or none yourself, they are located far away, or your don’t have the best relationship with them, this time of year can feel very lonely.

How do you use this time to actually improve your mood and thrive? Here are 4 tips:

1. Focus on YOU. Use the holiday time to take care of yourself. Find a new way to move your body and set a schedule. Walking is always great, and you can go on different ones each time and really explore areas you may not have seen. Getting out in nature on those walks is a huge added bonus for healing and feeling connected to yourself and the earth.

You can also try something you’ve been wanting to try – like Pilates, cycling or yoga. There are lots of good deals during the holidays to sign up for class packs at gyms and studios.

Make sure also to love on yourself with self-care: take baths, play inspiring music and dance, make plans with friends, read, journal, make some new healthy recipes, go outside, get a massage or facial, see a play (too pricey? Go to a high school play – they are usually fantastic), and laugh – a LOT. Taking care of you can be delicious.

2. Make plans with others. While focusing on YOU is great and also needed, don’t spend the majority of your time alone. As human beings we need the company of others in order to feel good – the social component is necessary for a healthy mental/emotional state. So whether you go for a night out with friends or make time for a walk with a neighbor, make sure to incorporate time with others into your holiday schedule.

3. Throw a party. Holiday time is usually beyond chaotic – shopping, cooking, decorating, parties…some people love this and others do not. Either way, you can still make the holidays fun even though they may be different. Invite a few friends over for a potluck, or do an appetizer or dessert and wine party, and have everyone bring a bottle of wine and you can get creative with appetizers or show off your baking skills (or if you don’t drink, like me, you can have a tea party or serve different cocoas or other non-alcoholic fun drinks – or have both).

Another fun adult party is to have everyone over for cookie baking. You supply several kinds of dough and ask each person to bring 1-2 creative additions, like frosting, chocolate chips, sprinkles or other toppings.

To make your party even more fun ask everyone to bring a wrapped gift (provide a spending limit) and find a gift exchange game – there are some great ones out there.

4. Give back. Take your stagnant energy and put it into giving back – to charitable organizations or to your community in some way. You can start by looking online for opportunities, or by calling your city or checking their website. Find a friend to take with you and bask in the amazing feeling of making another person’s life shine a little brighter.

Another way to give to others is to go through your closets and donate items you no longer need or use. You can even get others involved and do a combined drop off. I love to donate clothing and other items to help women in shelters get back on their feet – many of them have children too so you can drop off new items, diapers and toys. Check your local listings for locations and see what they need.

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No matter which things you choose to do, the idea is that you DO them – sitting around feeling sad is definitely not the way to heal! If you need more ideas feel free to message me. Have a very happy holiday season and know that you can get through it and thrive!