I’ve been thinking a lot lately about loss. As a Los Angeles native, house fire survivor and empath, I have been devastated by the destruction in Los Angeles County due to the wildfires. Although I do not normally watch television, I have been glued to LA news in the last week, concerned for family members and friends who live in the evacuation areas; it has truly affected my energy.

Worry or loss like this on its own is challenging. But what happens when we experience something like this WHILE trying to heal from something else (like divorce)? It’s a double whammy.

If you are trying to heal from divorce/other trauma, and at the same time feel you are being bombarded by challenging outside forces you cannot control that create more loss or grief, this is called compounded loss, or compounded grief . This is when we experience a series of losses of grief events that occur within close proximity, even if the losses or grief are related to different areas of your life, making it even harder to cope.

There are some things you can do to get back on the path to healing and feeling well, body, mind and spirit. This works for any kind of loss or compounded loss:

1. Breathe. When we are stressed or sad we usually do not breathe right (yes, there actually is a “right” way to breathe that calms your nervous system and allows you to get the most oxygen to your cells). Practice taking slow inhales while you count to 4 in your head – slowly. Then exhale slowly and count to 4 again. Keep up with this and you will start to notice when you are NOT doing it – that’s a very good sign.

Meditate. Meditation is a form of breathwork and relaxation, and is a fantastic way to calm down your mind and body. I have a podcast on how to get started.

2. Turn OFF the media. When I went through my divorce healing journey I turned off the TV – completely. Once in a while I watched funny movies, but no mainstream news media or other shows that would affect my energy. I knew I was in a battle to recover and I needed the most positive energy I could get. I works wonders – try it.

3. Move your body. We all know we need to do this but many of us forget, especially when we are not feeling our best emotionally. Make it a point to move, and at least 3 times a week do so outside, preferably in nature (park, beach, lake, woods).

If you don’t want to go to a gym you can put on some music and simply dance in your house. But make sure to move – it not only gets all your organs and fluids moving more smoothly, but also creates feel-good hormones that help you heal faster.

4. Call your friends and loved ones. Call them and tell them you love them, ask how they are doing, and share how you are doing. Connection keeps us feeling more healthy, which will enable us to keep healing.

5. Make plans with others. Get out and do something fun at least once a week. From a movie to lunch to a walk – it doesn’t matter what, just lean on your support network. You will notice a difference. If you don’t have a support network or want to understand how important it is to have one, click here.

6. Take care of yourself. I know – this sounds like SUCH an easy thing to do…but when we are down and things feel so out of our control, it is not easy. For starters, feed yourself healthy foods, stay hydrated, get enough sleep, stay away from alcohol and caffeine, and make sure you take a bit of time each day to relax and do something nice for yourself, like taking a bath.

7. Be Mindful. It is important when we are healing to be mindful of what we are thinking and feeling. If we focus on the moment and realize, for example, that we are thinking of something that won’t help us get to a better place, we become empowered to change that thought process.

If we notice we feel sad we can pick ourselves up and go on a walk outside. The advantage of practicing mindfulness is that we tune into the thoughts and actions that hold us back, and we are able to make changes – and THAT allows us to change our story.

If you feel overwhelmed by compounded grief/loss while you are healing, try incorporating the above suggestions daily and see how you feel in about a week. If you need further help coping with loss or grief, find a coach or therapist to assist in creating an healing plan and in holding you accountable.

For more information on how to start or re-start your divorce healing journey, please visit my website and check out my podcast. 🦋