The idea of comparing ourselves to others has popped up a few times in the last week, so I thought I would write about it because it is important to not fall into this trap when healing.

It is easy to look at others and the particular ways in which they do things, to see if they are successful or not. When we are going through a similar situation this can become rather obsessive, as we compare our own journey to theirs and think we may see where we may be improving or lacking. BUT there is always a big risk in using comparisons.

Each one of us is different, in many ways, especially when it comes to healing. No two people heal identically, and this is beautiful because in healing one tunes into the self and learns what is needed and desired, what has been lacking and what will allow the heart to open wider.

When we compare our healing journey to that of another (or multiple people), we tell our brain that the way we are doing things or the number of things we need to do to heal is too much or too hard. In such situations we often start to blame ourselves for not being able to heal like the next door neighbor did after her divorce – for example, we may think “look at her now, all beautiful and skinny and dating several men, while I sit home eating ice cream and feeling terrible.”

This way of thinking will lower energy levels, quash the desire to keep working on the self, and attract more of the same thoughts and feelings, leaving us circling the drain instead of making progress.

Keep in mind also that often what you see is not real. For example, you’ve likely seen social media influencers who make their lives look like fairy tales. Sure, maybe a few of them live off a trust fund and have no spending limits to travel the world and buy the best “stuff,” but the reality is that every single person has problems, issues, demons, past regrets, or a combination of any or all of these. What you are seeing is a moment in time, and not the inside of the heart of people who look like their lives are “perfect.”

I will share something with you. When I wrote my book I refused to look at any other books on divorce healing or divorce journeys. I wanted to tell MY story, without influence from anyone else’s journey or thoughts. I NEVER even researched whether there were other books like mine (although I figured there were). I did the exact same thing when I started my podcast – I didn’t watch or listen to any other divorce podcasts, because I truly wanted to share what I learned and new ideas as well, with the best guests to help me.

I believe that going through difficult experiences is the way for each of us to learn and be better versions of ourselves, and if we treat healing this way – instead of something we “have to” do, we find gratitude in the process and have an experience that will create a new beginning in our lives. 🦋