I want to share with you a recent personal story of having to go back to re-healing a painful part of myself. I have spoken many times here on this blog and in my podcast about the nature of the healing journey, and how we always need to be mindful of our need to work on parts of us that we may have thought we already healed.

Self work is an ongoing part of our journey as humans, and divorce is no exception. The first thing to understand is that it’s not only normal, but inevitable you’ll need to work on yourself repeatedly. If you notice you are feeling like you’re in a funk you must explore it; it could be something new, or something from your healing journey coming back to be re-evaluated.

Recently my former spouse sent me a text. I believe it was meant to show co-ownership for the demise of the marriage (instead of pinning it exclusively on me), but the statements were strange and incorrect.

The text triggered an old wound that I spent a long time healing, one in which unkind words were used to make me feel small. Luckily I caught this quickly – many people don’t. I spoke with someone who helped fix the physical ramifications of these backward steps, which had settled in my right hip (the masculine side, where I had horrible pain for the years leading up to my divorce). We cleared it out and now I continue to work deeper on myself to promote further healing.

I bring this to your attention because this happens all the time to many people who have been through divorce. It is so easy to let the fear creep back in, to remember the familiarity of the old wounds and to allow them to reopen. The longer we wait to work on these wounds, the more difficult it can become.

The nature of your situation may be completely different from mine, and may not directly involve a former spouse. It could instead come up through words spoken by another, or just plain old fear taking over (many scenarios can provoke this). If you have an experience that stirs up old wounds, notice it. Think about it. Write about it. Start taking it apart, and if you can’t do that on your own, get help.

It’s ok to take steps backward. It’s ok to feel triggered by the past. BUT, it’s not ok to ignore the feelings that come up from something or someone else’s actions toward you, because the only one who will be hurt is YOU. Similarly, the only one who can “fix” you is YOU.

Love yourself – not only because you need to, but because you deserve it. 🦋