Why is Your Divorce Your Doctor’s Business?

So there I sat yesterday, in a doctor’s office filling out an intake form. As I have done before in other doctors’ offices, I once again snickered when I came to the “marital status” field. I could check the “single” choice, or I could check “divorced/separated.” I hesitated for a moment and contemplated…not only which one to choose (or whether to leave all boxes unchecked), but also because this question always stumps me. Is the doctor going to diagnose me with chronic divorce? Will there be a prescription for that?

So there I sat yesterday, in a doctor’s office filling out an intake form. As I have done before in other doctors’ offices, I once again snickered when I came to the “marital status” field. I could check the “single” choice, or I could check “divorced/separated.” I hesitated for a moment and contemplated…not only which one to choose (or whether to leave all boxes unchecked), but also because this question always stumps me. Is the doctor going to diagnose me with chronic divorce? Will there be a prescription for that?

One reason this question exists on intake forms is because the doctors want to determine your stress level? Granted, stress level can affect all kinds of things — emotionally and physically — so this may seem a valid question to some.

The question can also come from a public health standpoint — to gather data on marital status and things like longevity or heart disease risk (there are studies on these).

Another reason I surmise this question exists is for administrative purposes — such as who is the main insured or who makes health decisions if you cannot. But really, this can be a direct question and often IS, in the part where it asks for the name of the insured under your policy.

What about a OB/GYN intake form — should that be different? One can argue that it is important for these doctors to understand whether there is a partner involved in making decisions, such as with pregnancy-related discussions. But isn’t this an outdated viewpoint? (I think so — again, anyone can be your “partner” in your pregnancy journey).

This information becomes part of your medical profile, which stays with you until perhaps it is altered. So maybe healthcare systems use it for data collection and research. Again, this is a bit creepy in my opinion, but for those who are younger and did not grow up in a world where we actually had privacy (or at least much more than we do now), it may be hard to contemplate.

The bottom line is that many of these forms are outdated and built on old-school assumptions, which can make one feel almost violated, especially women.

Back to the doctor’s office…sitting there looking at the form I laughed aloud, as there was not a box to check that said, “previously divorced but in a mature, healthy relationship with a partner who respects me and makes me happy, and who knows whether we will one day marry, as we personally feel it is not necessary, but I am a strong, independent woman and make my own choices.” 

How can “divorced/separated” or “single” truly tell anyone about your emotional state, your happiness quotient or your outlook on a number of health metrics, let alone your mood/outlook/perceptions and realities…knowing that these can change daily/weekly/momentarily, based on many factors and events. To me it seems like this leads to very personal, private information (again, unless the doctor is perhaps a psychiatrist or psychologist) and you are engaging their services for emotional help.

Somewhere between my blood pressure and my injury evaluation, my divorce became a data point. 🦋

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