The Best Divorce Healing Tool You Can Buy

If you are a regular reader of my blog, listen to or watch my podcasts, or follow me on social media, you know that I share many tools to help with divorce healing. Many of them are equally important and work in conjunction with each other. But I was recently asked what the best tangible tool was to promote healing, so I thought I would share.

Drum roll….the number one tangible tool to help with healing from divorce is a JOURNAL. You may not understand how, so let me enlighten you. When we are going through a trauma like divorce, knowing that we have to heal but feeling so many emotions, many of them negative, and for most people a LOT of fear, we need a quick outlet.

Journaling does 2 important things: first, it allows us to put our emotions down on paper so we can get them out – even though you may not realize it, it is cathartic to do this because it is akin to a release. During my healing process I would write down what I was feeling in the moment and tell myself that when I closed the journal I was releasing those emotions – I visualized them being locked in the journal and it made me feel just a tad lighter…a feeling that grew stronger as I did this daily.

Next, journaling is a record of what you are going through. When you get to the point where you have done a great deal of healing and feel like a new person, you can look back and see how far you have come, which provides a huge boost of confidence. This makes you feel incredible because it is proof of the work you have put into yourself.

Both of these benefits make journaling a necessity when going through the divorce healing process. Sometimes clients tell me they don’t know how to get started with journaling, so here is a great tip for your first entry: write down at least 10 things at which you are good/talented. It doesn’t matter how trivial they are – if you are a good cook, runner, organizer, speaker…write those down. If you can paint, sew, sing or fix a car, add those too.

The benefits to your “good at” list are thrice: first, it will make you feel a little better about yourself, and a boost of self-esteem when going through divorce is always a plus. This is a great start to the healing process – recognizing what you do well.

Second, writing down these positive characteristics or talents starts to change your mindset from negative to positive. The more you realize how much you have to offer, and how unique and incredible you are as a human being, the easier the healing process will be.

Third, these positive traits/talents may end up having a big impact on choices you make as you design your new life post-divorce…they did for me and the proof is that I am here writing this blog, hosting a podcast, coaching people on how to heal, and I wrote a book!

I hope this blog entry inspires you to get started journaling, so you can be on your way to feeling better and healing from divorce…because you CAN be happy and you DESERVE to be. Don’t forget that – ever. Once you embrace this mindset (which comes from doing the healing work), you WILL find your bliss. 🦋

Dodging a Bullet

Dating after divorce can be a challenge. I was thinking the other day about a man I met when I first started dating. I knew the type of men I wanted to date, and because I had done so much work I would not compromise the desires, beliefs or expectations I held for myself. Equally important, I was enjoying the process and was not out to “find a husband” (which is the wrong mindset to have when dating). But of course I was tested when I met a particular man. I am proud of how I ended up handling it, and of the fact that I did not fall victim to attraction, because “we” could never have worked.

I was dating a few wonderful high quality men – each very different but they all had one thing in common: they, like me, had been through divorce and had done varying levels of work on themselves. They each had an idea of who they were as men, and most knew what they wanted in a partner. It was truly a special time for me because I had done so much work on me that I was attracting these men – without using any dating sites (I promised myself I never would go down that path).

Along came a beautiful specimen of a man – smart, clever, highly educated, successful and creative – never had been married (a possible red flag), but had long-term relationships. The part that could have thrown most women for a loop was the attraction we had – on a scale of 1-10 the scale would have broken. If you’re waiting for a “but…” here it comes! He was in a “declining relationship,” and told me it was over and that his partner was moving out shortly. HUGE. RED. FLAG.

So we met casually a few times for food/drinks and got to know each other a bit – I truly enjoyed our conversations and his intellect. We shared a lot in common and laughed a lot. I had no expectations at all and kept trying to clarify the girlfriend situation. I was also trying to discover how in tune he was with himself.

There came a point when I realized that he was never going to leave his partner. More importantly, the fact that he was unhappy but could not end it, despite what was coming out of his mouth, was the nail in the coffin. To stick around would have been to compromise all my healing, all the self-discovery and the place to which I had come: the love for myself and my self-worth. Furthermore, I would never get in the way of a relationship. I realized that he had a lot of work to do. So I walked away with my whole self intact.

We did have a nice conversation a few months later, in which I explained a few things from my perspective. I told him I felt we had met for a reason, and that maybe the reason was for me to offer my help so he could find himself and truly be happy (whatever that entailed). We never spoke again but I think about him occasionally and wish him well. I know he reaffirmed an important lesson: always be true to yourself, no matter what someone says, does, or promises. I am proud that I put myself first.

So many people are scared to be alone, and jump at opportunities to be with someone even though they know (or have a slight inclination) that person is not the right person for them. Part of doing the work is learning how to put yourself first. Attraction fades, but a true partner who worships, respects and loves you for who you are, and who has done the work on himself/herself, knows what is important to him/her and is capable of being in a mature adult relationship – that is the partner you deserve. We don’t go through the healing process, emerge as a butterfly and then get stepped on right after take off.

Trust yourself and ask yourself if the person you met can truly be someone who will compliment you, not require you to change to fit a mold, and who will be patient so you can get to know each other to see if she/he compliments you and your goals – not whether that person can be a spouse one day, but whether he or she is worthy of dating you.

I tell all my clients to make a list of qualities in a partner that are important, including deal-breakers; a person does not have to meet all your criteria in order to date that person, but it is good to know what you need and want. All relationships involve compromise, but if you go into it fully aware of your desires, beliefs and expectations, that is an amazing start. Most importantly, listen to your gut and any red flags you see/feel. That is the best resource and you should trust it.

Patience and trust in oneself will ultimately, when the timing is right, lead to the right partner. Enjoy the dating experience as you get to know different people – and have fun! Although you may have to dodge some bullets in your dating life, dating the right people is beyond worthwhile, because it will eventually (when you are ready) lead to a connection with a partner who can give you his/her heart. 🦋

Guided by Presence

I am a big believer that there are always signs from the universe that help guide us. I know that when I do not stay present – which can happen to all of us when we get busy, distracted or stuck in life – signs can be missed. So I try every day to really focus on being present, and I ask for guidance every day to accomplish this.

This morning I was awakened by seagulls flying by my home. Before I opened my eyes I expressed gratitude for this, because living close to the sea is so important to me. It keeps me grounded and revives me when my energy wanes. When I did open my eyes I saw slivers of pink light creeping through the shutters. I got out of bed and looked out to the most incredible display of light. The sunrise was lighting up the cumulus clouds with shades of pink, orange and yellow. The world was quiet and still slightly dark, and there was just ethereal light.

I stood and watched and it felt as if I was the only one who was experiencing this, like the sun was playing a movie for me. I felt to the core of my being that I was experiencing this beauty as a reminder that there always IS beauty…you just have to open your mind and your heart to it… and you have to be able to see and feel it.

This reminder message today was exactly what I needed. It jump-started my day and made me feel good. The fun part is that there are always messages like this, only many of us don’t see them as messages, nor do we always take the time to simply be present in the moment to enjoy them.

A new year, a new day, a new chapter…all of these are opportunities to make choices that will help you grow, feel love and seek joy in your life. Sometimes the task of making changes is daunting, but it’s ok to take baby steps. So tomorrow when you awaken, simply express your gratitude for the day, for the chance to start over. Life is not perfect…but if you have a good day that is the beginning of change for the better, and that good feeling will most likely direct you to make better choices.

When we grow emotionally and spiritually we expand our hearts and minds and let in more love and light. It’s a slow break from chains that bind us to the unhappiness, dissatisfaction, or victim mentality we can easily slide into. One chain link at a time is all you need to focus on. So start tomorrow when you rise: express your gratitude for what IS and make a promise to yourself to notice beauty and joy. When you do, pause for a moment and feel how it feels to witness that moment. Then take it with you in your heart as you go through the day. If you encounter a road block you can close your eyes and come back to the blissful moment before moving forward.

Let me know what transpires for you! 🦋

Beware the Negativity!

In both my own healing journey and when coaching others to heal from divorce, one of the biggest lessons I learned and teach is avoiding the wrath of negativity. Most of us want to do this, but unfortunately in this modern world it can sneak in there when we often fail to catch it, and that can set us back a few steps. No wonder it is often more challenging to heal than we expect!

But do not worry. I am going to share a few things to look out for that will keep you focused on positivity so that you CAN heal and create a beautiful new life for yourself.

1. Social Media. This is the worst culprit, and the one that can trick us into thinking we are helping our hearts to heal, when instead we can end up spiraling down a drain of victim consciousness. I can’t tell you how many people ask me why they are feeling sluggish and having a hard time staying positive, only to discover they are spending too much time on social media.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to stay off social media. If you can’t get yourself to do this you can create a private account and only follow positive people and those who support you. This does not have to be forever, only temporary until you start feeling happier and healed. I know it sounds scary, but give it a try. You will probably be surprised by how amazing you feel not missing it!

2. Groups/People. (Kind of a subcategory of social media, but can also apply to those that actually meet up). I cannot tell you how many times I see negativity in divorce support groups online. Please, please do not join one unless you have truly vetted the mission and know that there is no negative chatter allowed, no spouse bashing, no diatribes on how someone’s former spouse cheated/lied/hurt them, or how their narcissistic/imbalanced/ psychological tendencies led to a negative feeling or demise of the marriage: blah, blah, blah! All of the blame is enough to make anyone feel down just reading through the posts. Many people in these groups are victims and thrive off of support from other victims. Stay away!

Here is an example: one such group posted something recently asking what a man is called who jumps from woman to woman…you can imagine the plethora of negative responses. The anger and negativity in the comments revealed to me that the majority of responders are not healed! My response word was “unhealed.” I also then pointed out that people are so quick to judge and blame, and that doing so actually stymies healing (that comment was deleted – the creator of the page was on a roll from the negative responses). Don’t buy into this negativity – the former spouse is NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR HAPPINESS OR UNHAPPINESS…that is only up to you, so wasting energy on him/her is futile.

Similarly, make sure you are hanging around the right people. You may think someone supports you but they truly might not. For more information, check out my podcast on Support Networks.

3. Mainstream news. Are you seeing a pattern here? Can you guess what sells news stories? Fear, doom, and gloom! People crave that junk. I check headlines on an app every morning, and I have anything breaking sent to me so I am aware of what’s going on in the world (because I think that’s important), but I do NOT watch the news. Again, try this for a few weeks while you are working on you and see how you feel – let me know!

4. Other TV/Apps. Same story here. When you are healing you need to be gentle to yourself – think warm baths, journaling, trying fun things and hanging out with those who truly support you (see my blog and podcast on support networks for the caveats in this arena). If you must watch something try app-based watching instead of main stream media (due to commercials that can be fear based and negative) – watch a funny movie or show on Netflix/Hulu/Starz or other app. In fact, funny entertainment is a must, as it has been proven that laughter helps in healing.

5. Music. When I was healing I turned off any music that was not good for my soul. If you notice, and you will if you are in a victim state or hurting, so many songs are about loss and heartache. While listening to these may (falsely) make you feel less “alone,” they are actually doing damage to your healing by infusing negativity into your psyche. There is a lot of amazing inspirational music out there, and there is always great music to be found in most genres with no words (guitar, jazz, inspirational, etc.). Music is a big part of my life, but I cut a lot out while healing and I still listen to my “new” music most of the time. I promise you can do this. Try it for a few weeks and notice how you feel.

These are some good suggestions to help you in the healing process. Keep in mind that anything you try is temporary – or not, if you choose to stick with a particular practice – you can do what you want as you are the chauffeur of your own journey. Make sure to pay attention to what you need: body, mind and spirit, and trust that you are being guided to do what is right for you. Healing can only work if you are happy and grateful. If you need guidance you can get my book here, or learn about coaching options here. Happy healing! 🦋

Why It’s Not Hard to Say “I’m Sorry”

I noticed a particularly interesting thing when I got divorced: every time someone asked if I was married or something about my husband, and I replied that I was divorced, the first thing out of most people’s mouths was “I’m sorry!” Now, don’t worry, I was not sorry and I replied to that effect, telling them that I was happier than ever, and to please not feel sorry for me.

Divorce has always been seen as a stigma in society – many cultures, religion and familial values portray it this way – and most of us have been taught consciously or subconsciously our entire lives that marriage is forever and that divorce is “wrong” or “bad,” or ideas to that effect. Despite the fact that a divorce happens every 36 seconds in this country, that half of all marriages end this way, and that we have come so far in establishing that it is ok to move on from a marriage in many cases, it is still looked at in a negative light, and especially for women.

Furthermore, there are no rules or coping skills taught for going through divorce – most people want to heal but have NO idea how to do it. In many families and societies it is still something that is not discussed much, and some families and cultures push the divorcee to find another spouse right away. No wonder healing from divorce can be tricky.

Most importantly, when it comes to divorce all of these societal/cultural/familial “rules” and reactions from others do the one thing that we must try to avoid when healing: bring us down! They create negative emotions and often time a lot of confusion within, and those do nothing for us when we are trying to heal, which is conversely all about positivity. In fact, many people get stuck there and simply cannot find their way out.

I learned right away to stand in my truth and let people know that there is no need to feel sorry for me. It is interesting how people react when you say this to them – some are very surprised, others simply smile and said they are happy you are in a good place. If you want to truly heal and create your new life, you too need to speak up in this way. Let people know that while you appreciate their concern, it is not needed because you are on your way to creating a beautiful new life. Instead of feeling sorry they can send you blessings.

The more negativity we surround ourselves with, and the more we let in, the lower the chance we will be able to heal. So start by noticing what others may say to you about your divorce and how it makes you feel. If in any way these things make you feel negative, learn to express yourself so the person understands that you are healing and want to be happy.

We become so empowered when we express our positive intentions and excitement for what is to come. Don’t ever walk away from a comment that leaves you feeling down; instead, stand in and speak your truth. Once people understand that leaving your marriage was a positive choice for you, hopefully this idea will spread and in time society will not attach so much stigma to divorce. 🦋

Holiday Time = Healing Time

I always get inquiries about healing over the holidays, and whether it can be done. My answer is a definite YES; in fact, the holidays can be an amazing time to work on healing because of the extra time many of us have on our plates.

Holidays are usually THE most difficult time for many people post-divorce. This is especially true due to the former spouse’s family; even if you do stay in touch with them holidays can be tricky. The same goes for mutual friends or couple friends that you and your former spouse shared.

The first thing to do is to acknowledge that the holidays are challenging – explore how that makes you feel and realize that it simply is. Write down your feelings in a journal. Then it’s time to get to work!

There are 3 things to strive for during the holidays that will jumpstart your healing process and make you feel better so you can start the New Year as the new you:

1. Learn to relish being alone. Being alone is one of the most difficult things most people going through divorce will face. Unfortunately it can lead to doing the wrong things, which will only prolong the healing period. One example is jumping into a relationship prior to healing (check out my podcast – The Divorce to Bliss Podcast – to learn more).

Despite fear of being alone you can train yourself to really enjoy it. Make an appointment with yourself every day – put it in your calendar. It can be for 30 minutes or more, depending on your availability. But make it a priority, and don’t tell yourself you don’t have time – we all do, no matter how busy we are. What we give attention to is a choice, and if you want to heal you’ll make time.

Take a bubble bath with candles and music, dance, go on a nature walk, make yourself an amazing meal and set the table beautifully for one. Go to a beautiful place (beach, lake, park) and write in your journal about what you envision your new life to look like. Meditate. Take a yoga class. Read a book. Take yourself shopping and buy something that the new you will enjoy – especially something that makes you feel good or sexy. Have fun with this, but commit the time. You will notice after about a week or two you will look forward to this alone time, so keep it up.

2. Spend time with others. Yes, you need to definitely do this too, especially during the holidays. It is imperative to surround yourself with friends and family – those who truly care for you. Keep in mind that if any of them try to tell you what they think you should/shouldn’t do, that’s a red flag to your healing (explore my Podcast on Letting Go). Try to make the time you have with others light and fun, not heavy where you sit around and talk about only the difficulties. Sharing feelings is great and helpful, but also strive to have fun.

Spending time with others includes your children, if you are a parent. Make that time as fun and creative as possible; there are many ways to do this depending on their ages. Remember that you need to be with your children and also with adult friends/family. Luckily the holidays often provide extra time off so this is possible. If not, you will have to get creative, but don’t not do it.

3. Take care of yourself. This is a big order, but it is one of the most necessary things to do when healing. Taking care of the self means care for the body, mind and spirit. This includes eating healthy, exercising and nurturing the soul or spirit. A walk or run out in nature covers all 3, and produces endorphins to keep you feeling good. Avoiding sugar, alcohol and unhealthy fats fuels the body and makes it easier to get out and burn calories…yes I know you want to eat all the holiday goodies, but you will feel SO much better if you avoid them. You can let yourself occasionally splurge in moderation when you are celebrating, but pay attention to how eating unhealthy foods make you feel.

If you are not thrilled with the idea of exercise, first you need to realize that it is a necessity when healing to move the body and you don’t have to go to a gym or class to do it. Exercise allows all the stuck energy to leave and frees the spirit and mind so that you can work through the healing and create the new life you desire. It is important to alter the mindset to view it as a lifestyle choice (positive) and not something you have to do (negative). For more tips on this please see or listen to The Divorce to Bliss Podcast – check your favorite search engine for where to do so.

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The holidays will never be “easy” for one going through or coming out of divorce, but by committing to healing you can make it your time to start or continue along with your personal journey. You can do it, and I support you!

Post-Divorce Dating: Best Advice, and a Ghost

Dating after divorce is one of the things many of my clients fear most, especially because so much has changed in the dating world since before most of them were married – namely, the dreaded dating apps.

First of all, it is of utmost importance to mention that if you just went through or are going through divorce, please do yourself the biggest favor possible and DON’T DATE UNTIL YOU HAVE DONE THE HEALING WORK FOR YOURSELF! I’m sorry for “shouting,” but I cannot tell you how important this last sentence is. If you think you’ll be “fine” dating prior to healing, you have a rude awakening ahead.

The reason you need to heal first is to discover the “new” version of you – who you are now, after divorce, how your new life will look, and especially what you need and want in your next partner. You cannot know these things until you have gone through the healing journey, and that involves many steps. If you “find” someone before healing it will be a someone that the “old” version of you attracts, instead of someone the “new” version of you will attract… and that relationship will not be sustainable as you evolve.

Once you are ready to date there are things to watch out for, as there are many people who do not truly represent their true selves, and many more who do not yet know what that means. When I first started dating I was seeing a few fantastic men. There was a friend of a friend I had been interested in meeting, but when I first reached out to him he was seeing someone. A few months later he contacted me and asked if I was still interested in meeting, and I was. When he messaged me I was sitting in a restaurant waiting for a late friend to arrive and I happened to be texting someone, so when his message popped up I answered…I never heard from him again. 👻

A friend later told me I “answered too quickly.” How silly is that! It was one of the new “rules” of dating – don’t appear too excited, I suppose. But here is the thing: I don’t play by rules. I am simply and unapologetically me, and I am 100% proud to speak and stand in my truth. I knew exactly what type of men I wanted to date, and the first rule was that they had to have worked on themselves and understood what they wanted. This guy quickly put himself in the “NEVER” pile – his loss!

When you do the work on YOU, you become a force – strong, self-confident, happy, sure of who you are, what you want, and what you deserve. These qualities make you a high-value woman or man. What this man did – ghosting – was a game, something I wanted no part of. The men I dated had to love that I didn’t play games, or forget it. My time was not worth wasting. If you want to find an amazing relationship down the road, this is the attitude to adopt.

Doing the work means learning how to value yourself so you make the best choices for you, and by doing so you will eventually find a partner who loves, values and respects you – for you. I knew once I did the work and felt so good about myself that I would find that person when the timing was right.

Love is not found by searching for it. It is found when you heal and exude the energy that attracts the right person, who is also healed and ready. You must first love YOU before you can love another. I promise this is worth the work and the wait.

Do you need help figuring out how to find yourself and become a high-valued person that will attract the right partner? Please reach out to me here. 🦋

Power in the Presence

Do you know that feeling when you are driving and then all of a sudden you arrive at your destination but don’t remember anything about the drive? Similarly, early this morning I was walking my dog and got to the end of my walk and could not remember whether I took a certain street – I was so caught up on my “to-do” list for the week that I was not present. I forgot to enjoy the way the light filtered through the foggy morning and the dew sparkled on the plants and trees.

One thing I learned in the years since my divorce is that being present is vitally important – not only to healing, but also for peace of mind. It is common for humans to get pulled down into “busyness,” and although taking long walks is part of the way I set up my day so I can focus and be the best version of myself as I dive into my work, this morning I did not do that.

The first thing to do when you do what I did is to pause, realize and accept what happened. I stopped and thought, “ok, I just went through most of that walk while I was completely in my head.” I did not berate myself or get upset, but instead made a point that next time I would remind myself to stay present before I walked out the door. Accepting that I did not utilize all my senses to enjoy the morning journey is important, as that awareness will help next time so that I CAN enjoy the moments.

When it comes to healing, staying present is SO important, as it allows us to feel, make the best choices and also to just BE. These are all necessary in order to figure out next steps and set healing in motion. One great way to set this up so you don’t do what I did (remembering that if you do, it is ok!) is to allocate time in blocks – using a calendar is best (you can use your phone). This is especially important because there are so many phases of healing, and different areas to work on. If you don’t work on one to the best of your ability it will affect the rest.

I usually like to spend a few moments on Sunday night to make a list of things I need to do that week. I list them in categories first – personal matters, work matters, exercise, and self-time/self-improvement. Then I fill in my calendar. Once it is in my calendar it is set! Of course things can change, and then I move them around. But I never compromise on the self-time, because that is the backbone of the entire healing journey. I learned how important it is to put me first…and that is how I got through healing and designing my new life post-divorce.

Try using organizational skills to block out timeframes for all the categories you want to incorporate into your schedule. There may be days you cannot fit it all in, or last minute things that come up. If those events compromise your “me time” then consider sacrificing some time before bed to write in your journal, do a quick meditation, try some yoga poses, or put on some music and dance for 10 minutes. Any of these (or a combination) will reduce stress and assure you go to bed on a positive note – which also benefits your sleep. In addition, you can wake up slightly earlier to give yourself some time in the morning to do something for yourself.

The trick in all this is to make sure you nurture body, mind and spirit every day so that you can be present and be the best version of you. Happy planning!

Lighten Up!

In the first year after my divorce I literally lightened up so much that everything I did, and still do, comes from the love in my heart and is focused on my happiness. I love so much more – people, animals, nature, myself. I am so grateful for my life and my health and my relationships, and so much more. I feel this in my body and my spirit, and I laugh more, dance more, spend more time in nature, celebrate more! It’s a beautiful thing and I am so blessed to experience this. But more importantly, I know this is the only way I will continue to live the rest of my life, and I know that doing so allows me to make a difference, not only in my life but in the lives of others.

Many human beings have lost the ability to be happy. We spend too much time staring at screens, fixated on social media and games, videos, etc. I notice many people don’t even make eye contact any more. When I go into stores and pay in the checkout line I make sure to look the clerks in the eye and smile and say something nice. You can see the surprise in some of their eyes. So many of us no longer take joy in things – so much becomes a chore in the busyness of daily life, and we forget to pause and appreciate the many blessings that make up life.

We need to get back to the way it used to be – face to face meetings and hugs and FUN! I remember growing up and being a teenager. Our form of texting was passing handwritten notes in school, and we had to wait to get home to call our friends on the landline phone. Answering machines were golden. There was no worry about social media. Sure, we still had issues with which to contend. I was bullied by a group of very mean girls in middle and high school, my reputation was soiled by lies and I was treated horribly. But when the same thing happened to my daughter at the same age it was so much worse because of social media. Luckily I had used the lessons I learned to prepare her, from a very young age, for what I assumed would happen to her as well (as she possessed great self confidence, was smart and beautiful, kind and positive – traits that make unconfident and low self-worth young women jealous). The lessons I learned, and passed onto my daughter, are to believe in yourself no matter what others say; those who do not know you and want to hurt you with false words are very lonely, unhappy people; NO ONE can bring shame upon you because they are envious of you and want to bring you down into their victim mentality, despite the initial hurt of the words you are SO MUCH BIGGER than that.

To free yourself and find yourself you must allow happiness and laughter into your life. Put down the electronics and go out with your friends, see your family. Get outside and enjoy nature. Don’t be so serious! I had become so serious before my divorce. I stopped laughing as much, wasn’t interested in food (but wasn’t eating healthy enough), wasn’t having fun and enjoying each new day; instead I was like a robot going through the motions to get things done and get to bed time, then doing it all over again the next day.

After going through the healing process I realized that every moment should be celebrated, even the challenging ones. That is because each moment is not only a gift, but also a lesson. Once you realize this truth and start living life this way you will see some incredible changes within.

People often need help in learning how to lighten up and get reacquainted with their true essence…and that is why there are people who can help. Take advantage of that. If you are healing from divorce and need a roadmap so you can find yourself again and experience joy and light, the first step is easy: reach out to someone. I would love to help you find your highest self so you can live your best life. Please visit my website at http://www.rachelsruby.com/coaching.

Illuminate Your Pathway

Scientists talk about being left brained or right brained, and most people can identify more so with one or the other. Left is the logical side, right the creative one. All my life I thought I was left-brained: academic, logical, a type-A who gets things done yesterday, a problem solver…and I am. That is a huge part of me and I embrace it. But I was always a writer, even as a child. I wrote creative stories, editorials in high school that were controversial and made people think, amazing papers in college, strong briefs as a lawyer, a novel, a self-help book, newspaper articles, short stories and a children’s book. Although I never considered myself as such, I realized at some point that I was also right-brained. I was creative! What an epiphany this was for me.

How does this relate to divorce or self-discovery, you may ask? Understanding who you are is the most critical part in finding yourself, so that you can illuminate the pathway to the rest of your life, and be the very best version of you!

I married a right-brained man. He was not an academic, nor educated. He was an artist and constantly had wonderful ideas. I enjoyed being in his easy slow-dance, right-brained presence, as the world in which I moved was a high-pressured left-brained tango. The balance between us was a welcoming respite for my brain and body, and it worked.

When I started diving deep into myself to discover what I needed and wanted with the rest of my life I realized that my creativity is a HUGE part of me. It enables me to help others, to spread my love and light and connect with people; it is what I craved…yet it was not being nurtured. My heart was not all in. I had started a few writing projects, but I had no motivation and the words weren’t flowing. So I would ignore them and continue to lead my life without. But in time I started feeling frustrated that I couldn’t write. It took a long time for me to realize it was because I was not fulfilled nor living my best life.

It took years of working on myself to get to the point where I found inspiration to live my dream, and to do good with the abilities with which I am blessed. I realized through all of this that if we are to achieve bliss, there is no time to deny ourselves that which makes us whole…we simply cannot remain stuck in mediocrity.

Each one of us needs to dive deep to discover WHY we are here. It is not to merely live a satisfactory life – we are here to live BLISSFUL lives! We cannot do that if we are stuck in a job, relationship or living situation that is not contributing to us becoming the best and highest version of ourselves. Life is too short for settling.

A great first step in figuring out one’s best and highest purpose is to start journaling and mediating on important questions. Start by making lists about what makes you feel true bliss – it might be traveling, exercising, eating, being with animals, reading, taking care of others, or being in nature. Sit in a quiet place where you are uninterrupted, and just breathe. See yourself doing the things you love. If you love hiking envision an incredible hike, feel what it feels like to be in nature and fresh air, hear the sounds the forest or wherever you may be. Feel your feet on the earth, live it in your mind. Do this often.

Next, you have to look at the way in which you incorporate into your life the thing(s) that bring you joy. Do you do those things already? Do you only do them sometimes or not at all? Do you only dream of them? Start making ways to do experience them more often, and notice how you feel. You should start to feel lighter and happier, perhaps have more energy and be more positive.

Finding yourself is a journey, especially after a trauma like divorce, but it is necessary to do so. Transformation and happiness ARE possible…it’s never too late to live your best life!